What fresh hell is this? Get conkers-deep with the Kick Dummy

9 November 2010

We don't want to take the piss out of this, especially since the guy selling it is a ex-officer in the Royal Marine Commandos and double black-belt in dynamic self-defence. But we weren't the only ones expecting it to be a half-arsed skit from Armstrong & Miller - avid Bitterwallet reader Keith saw it advertised on a proper television and nobody was laughing:

Bitterwallet - Kick Dummy

The Kick Dummy, then. Essentially, it's a blow-up doll for teaching you how to kick somebody in the balls. And that's it. It'll cost you the thick end of £60 to learn this Mr Miyagi-style maneouver.

Why did ex-Royal Marine Commandos and double black-belt in dynamic self-defence Neil Summers invent "the only training dummy on the market with two legs, shaped like a man"? Because his busy lifestyle prevents him teaching his five daughters to kick a man's cock off. Seriously, he's just got too much stuff on, like inventing the inflatable smashed twat - even though the workout supplied on DVD is just three minutes long.

* ex-Royal Marine Commandos and double black-belt in dynamic self-defence Neil Summers is probably not inventing an inflatable smashed twat, and we think he's a cracking bloke with a good head of hair. Cheers Neil!


  • Ben
    If you'll excuse the obvious pun, this is bollocks. It's true that a kick in the nuts will drop most men, but it's also true that most men know this and have a natural reflex to turn their hips or move back. Kicking someone in the nuts is harder than it may seem, I'm not trying to be funny but it's a small target and it's only really a viable target if your attacker is standing square on with their feet apart. Self defence isn't rocket science but saying that "you only need one move" is simplistic and misleading.
  • piggy
    They need some of these in Bromley's nurseries, what with all them kiddie fiddlers flocking there!
  • David
    Isn't this what brothers are for?
  • Nigel
    Is a double black belt a second Dan, or blackbelt in two martial arts? Is this for those that don't think his "Leg Magic" exerciser isn't hard enough? When JML get hold of it, will it be to iron trousers on?
  • ceecee
    this is wrong on so many levels. This guy is clearly paranoid and not thinking clearly at all. Indeed, it would be far more useful for his offspring to study martial arts as self defense, as the chances of felling a man in this way are not great. And what about a group of attackers? And there is something a bit worrying about young girls getting into the repetitive response of kicking out at someone like that. Wrong, wrong, wrong......
  • Rich
    Thought this was a wind up at first! 'One move' is not enough to defend yourself. A kick to the groin can be effective, but do you need to spend £60 learning how to do it?? Spend the money on enrolling with a martial arts club!
  • Darren
    I Bought kick dummy and it split same day they sent me replacement and that split same day as well. RIP OFF
  • Brian R.
    Kick dummy what a load of cheap crap! Please do not be stupid and waste your money on this trust me
  • Brian R.
    You may aswell buy an inflatable toy boat and kick that about it would prob last longer. DO NOT BE FOOLED CHEAP RUBBISH
  • Brian R.
    And ripped off by over charged postage to arrive with sample written all over the box for minimum postage charge for less than £8 when I was charged £26?? Rip off
  • derrick t.
    I bought this Kick dummy. It is more than just a kick to the balls dummy. I can do roundhouse kicks, side kicks, and front kicks as well. And you know what? it comes right back to starting position. Now, it is not a power bag dummy it is more like a targeting dummy. Similar to having a person hold a target paddle or pad so you can kick it. Is is very portable so you can easily store it. It is not, I repeat, is not a toy kicking balloon dummy. AYou can get a very good kicking and boxing targeting workout.
  • derrick t.
    kick dummy is not a joke. it provides a great workout without the need for the standard heavy bag. I use my kick dummy mainly for cardio. I can get my heart rate up to 160 BPM.

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