UK economy doomed to hell, say consumers

3 December 2008

In a new survey released today that may appear to be stating the bleeding obvious, consumer confidence has fallen to its point lowest since 2004. Now how this is measured and what the unit of measurement is, we can't tell you. What we do know, is that the Nationwide Building Society's consumer confidence index fell six points in November to 50.

50 what, exactly? Nope, not a clue, but it seems to be generally accepted as a bad thing, as Nationwide's chief economist Fionnuala Earley explains:

"Consumer confidence dropped again this month against the backdrop of an emerging recession in the UK and continued global uncertainty. Reports of job cuts have almost certainly impacted on sentiment about the present and future employment situation."

You think? To validate the findings of Nationwide, we've recently installed The Bitterwallet consumer confidence index in the office. We fully expect it to become the standard by which consumer confidence in the UK is measured.

Instead of using arbitrary, meaningless values like the jokers at Nationwide, our index is based on the popular children's book The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. By assessing how many items of food the caterpillar has eaten in any given month, we can deduce the confidence of the UK consumer.

For November, it looked like this:

As you can see, the very hungry caterpillar ate an apple, a pear, a plum, a strawberry and an orange. Now this isn't an exact science, and we're still callibrating the unit, but roughly translated, we think it's fair to say, allowing for a small margin of error, that consumer confidence is shit. Thankyou and goodnight.

27 comments

  • Martin
    He should be eating 5 a day. So if he can only afford to eat 5 a month, the economy is truly screwed.
  • gary_rip
    Once again, thanks for swearing in yet more posts! This site really is a credit to HUKD... not. Paul Smith, this is a family site - you should know better!
  • lola
    Ignore him, swear more.
  • Andy D.
    We fucking well intend to.
  • lola
    That's the spirit, champ!
  • Mike H.
    Where's the fuckin' swearing in that fuckin' story? I fuckin' spy with my little fuckin' eye, one fuckin' swear word. If this is a family site, why the fuck would kids be reading about the UK economy? The swear index up 6 points me thinks.
  • andy y.
    Swearing is for cunts
  • Dave
    shit, you said shit.
  • aaaachooo
    hardy fucking ha ha, I loved that swearing shit!
  • printer2008
    gary_rip you suck
  • Mike H.
    gary_rip, your a credit to Bitter Wallet... NOT! (Twat) up another point folks!
  • Benjimoron
    I know you're all going to say I'm an idiot as well but here goes. This is supposed to be a family web-site, I'm very disappointed that it has turned out like this. I for one will not be reading again. Ben.
  • Mike H.
    We don't think you're an idiot Ben, oh no of course not, afterall, here at Bitter-Wallet, we are family orientated, are we not folks? We just think you're a feeding clam!
  • Benjimoron
    What’s a feeding clam? The Hotukdeals community is family orientated, are you part of the hotukdeals community or not? I’d suggest not, after reading some of the comments.
  • John B.
    Benjimoron - "I for one will not be reading again." There it is - the magic phrase that marks out a Daily Mail reader! Now we know not to take you seriously Ben. Oh, but you won't be reading this will you?
  • Benjimoron
    I don't read the daily mail, not sure where you got that from. I haven't bought a paper for about 15 years now. I'll read the comments to see if anyone has a reasonable answer to my points, but I won't be reading site in general.
  • John B.
    He's still reading!
  • Mike H.
    "I haven’t bought a paper for about 15 years now." - Is that since you started your Daily Mail paper round?
  • lola
    Benjimoron - If you're waiting for some reasonable answers to your points, please make some reasonable points first. Then we can get going. Yee-haww!
  • Benjimoron
    lola, this site is part of the hotukdeals community which is family orientated. In other words no swearing. Just wondered why there is so much swearing on a family site? That's a reasonable question in anyone's book.
  • Mike H.
    My family doesn't give a fuck about BW, they told me so, and used the word f**k, shit, I swore
  • Bazzaric
    It's a pretty poor state of affairs when a 'paid writer' doesn't have a grasp of the english language enough to write expressive, without using expletives. I was quite shocked when I read the comments on this story. I suppose bitter wallet is trying to be 'edgy and raw'..turns out to be 'same and same old'. I don't see any other social commentry blogs feeling the need to swear...
  • Mike H.
    'expressively' u done good there wiv ur inglish m8
  • Bazzaric
    [email protected] police.... nice argument, I now know your mental level and will refrain from challenging you again
  • Mike H.
    cheerz bruv innit
  • lola
    Bazzaric - "quite shocked" you did it sweetcheeks? you are too precious a flower to be able to handle a little 'shit' on occasion? You are not equipt for life. TEARS from here on in. Stick with casual expletives and mild venom BW, it looks good on you and it alienates silly sanctimonious minions. lalala
  • andy y.
    Cutting back on swears may only exacerbate the recession. BTW excerabation is perfectly healthy but stay in the bushes

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