UK economy doomed to hell, say consumers
In a new survey released today that may appear to be stating the bleeding obvious, consumer confidence has fallen to its point lowest since 2004. Now how this is measured and what the unit of measurement is, we can't tell you. What we do know, is that the Nationwide Building Society's consumer confidence index fell six points in November to 50.
50 what, exactly? Nope, not a clue, but it seems to be generally accepted as a bad thing, as Nationwide's chief economist Fionnuala Earley explains:
"Consumer confidence dropped again this month against the backdrop of an emerging recession in the UK and continued global uncertainty. Reports of job cuts have almost certainly impacted on sentiment about the present and future employment situation."
You think? To validate the findings of Nationwide, we've recently installed The Bitterwallet consumer confidence index in the office. We fully expect it to become the standard by which consumer confidence in the UK is measured.
Instead of using arbitrary, meaningless values like the jokers at Nationwide, our index is based on the popular children's book The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. By assessing how many items of food the caterpillar has eaten in any given month, we can deduce the confidence of the UK consumer.
For November, it looked like this:
As you can see, the very hungry caterpillar ate an apple, a pear, a plum, a strawberry and an orange. Now this isn't an exact science, and we're still callibrating the unit, but roughly translated, we think it's fair to say, allowing for a small margin of error, that consumer confidence is shit. Thankyou and goodnight.