Those new Apple rumours in full...

Bitterwallet - Apple keynote on Setember 7th?Here’s the latest rumours we’ve heard regarding Apple’s major announcement, which is scheduled for some time after 6pm this evening...

  • An iPod will be released with all of the controls on the inside. In order to operate it you’ll have to use a special mirrored glove that Apple have only been able to licence following Michael Jackson’s death.
  • A inflatable Macbook will go on sale from tomorrow. When deflated, it will comfortably fit in any human anus, making it easier for users to pass through airport security.
  • Steve Jobs is stepping down from Apple to form a funk band called Rhythm Sexion.
  • The Beatles have reformed. All four of them, via a heavenly link-up using new technology pioneered by Apple. They’ll be launching it as the iFterlife. On sale from tomorrow at just $29,000.
  • Five exploding iPods have been released around the world. The holders of them will be invited to spend a day with Steve Jobs at Apple HQ. The last one alive at the end of the day becomes the next Apple CEO.


  • reel
    Hilarious... Ive just wasted 30 seconds of my life.
  • Mr J.
    Its not funk, ok?! Its rock-hip-hop fusion
  • numberwang
    lol wtf Im confused... is this meant to make up for Paul's BS iphone 'story' earlier?
  • c m.
    yet more crapple junk
  • Anon
    This is not funny in the slightest... Please don't waste my time in future with your terrible attempts at humour.
  • graeme
    writers got the day off i see
  • NOT S.
    Why dont you just rename this site to apple wallet every story has apple in it in some way.
  • wangernumb
    There's a hell of a lot more than 5 exploding iPods out there with those stupid overheating batteries. Oooooh shiney
  • Shadow
    Bitterwallet brought to you by Apple
  • Brian2
    Posted by Shadow "Bitterwallet brought to you by Apple" I love Apple and my iPhone, i would even give Steve my liver for another transplant.
  • Mark W.
    Not very funny. I thought the Onion's 'Mac Wheel' was a lot funnier.

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