This is the most important news story you will ever read

20 March 2010

Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader The Couch for this, a news story of planet-shattering proportions. Admittedly it's now a year old, but such is the seriousness of the issue, you'll be grateful we brought it to your attention.

By the way, if you begin reading it and expect to learn it's all an early April Fool, it never happens. No, really.

Whitstable mum in custard shortage
Bitterwallet - Bird's Custard
A MUM of three is dis-custard after a hunt for the dessert sauce in the town proved fruitless.

Keen baker Jules Serkin, 43, of West Cliff, Whitstable, needed a tin of custard powder to top off her apple and blackcurrant crumble.

But she was left with a sour taste in her mouth after getting no joy in either Co-ops at Oxford Street and Canterbury Road, and in Somerfield, in the High Street.

Even a trek to Tankerton's Tesco Express - a corner shop version of its superstores - was wasted.

"I try to support my local businesses, but in the end I had to resort to going to one of the big supermarkets to get what I needed," said Jules, a holiday rental company director.

"I feel very sad that I can't seem to get basic stuff from my high street, and am driven to go online.

"Custard is a staple product on my shopping list and I cannot understand why it should be so hard to find.

"An assistant in Somerfield said they'd had other shoppers asking for tins of custard, but it hadn't been in stock since the shop was refurbished.

"And in the Co-ops I was just greeted with an empty shelf where it should be, and no idea when they might be getting it in.

"I am upset because it seems these shops cannot order a product that customers are demanding as it doesn't seem to fit in with what they are selling.

"I had to resort to buying sachets which cost only a few pence less than a tin, and don't go very far at all. If I buy a tin, it goes in my pantry and will last me quite a few crumbles.

"I'm making an apple and blackcurrant crumble and, as I am trying to eat healthily can control what I put into the custard, like skimmed milk.

"With the sachets, there are all sorts of ingredients and additives - and you just add water to make it.

"It's very convenient, but not as good as the real thing. Custard should be a lovely comfort, nice and thick."

Mrs Serkin finally managed to find a tin of own brand custard powder in a Co-op, a few days after her initial hunt, but not her beloved Bird's.

That, avid readers, is only half the story. The other half involves our intrepid reporter tracking down all the store managers and interrogating them with regards to their insufficient stocks of 'dessert sauce'. Fucking gripping.

[This Is Kent]

20 comments

  • Stuart
    The Co-op and Somerfield count as "local businesses" now?! And surely the sachets contain the same product as the tin? And she can still use skimmed milk! My mind is blown. Thanks for drawing these issues to my attention BitterWallet...
  • neal
    This is a year old. I rember it from the 1st time. Why re-publish?
  • snoogans81
    Shit, my life doesn't seem so harsh now compared to that poor poor womans! I do hope she can carry on living minus her beloved Birds.
  • Junkyard
    Dear Bitterwallet, I also have trouble getting birds, can you help me?
  • no p.
    I would thought that there are less calories in the instant custard
  • Skymarshall
    Whining Bint. Get back in the kitchen, and the men will bring home the ingredients you are allowed to use.
  • Idon'twantthatThankYou!
    Thanks for that, Jules Serkin, 43, of West Cliff, Whitstable. I can now sleep securely, knowing you have found a reliable local source for tins of custard powder. Next you will be telling us you couldn't buy milk, cream, vanilla extract, eggs, caster sugar or cornflour locally. Because that, Ms Know-it-all, is all you need to make your own friggin' custard. Actually this reminds me of the first joke I remember hearing and telling: "If bees make honey what do birds make?"
  • no o.
    Gianluca Oxter wrote in this blog January 28, 2010 at 10:58 am My friend used to live next door to this woman, and he tells me she’s bezzy -mates with the Whitstable Times editor, and is always getting herself in the paper. He also told me that ‘if she is 43, I’m a bats twat!”
  • G-Man
    The woman who wrote that article needs to be shipped off to the third world.
  • Amanda H.
    I had a more interesting dump than that story.
  • Sceptic
    Hi Amanda I would very much like to hear about your sacrifice to the porcelain gods. Thank you.
  • Mr W.
    They sell it and have always sold it in the Londis and the Co-op about 3 miles from her. Ashamed to be from the same town.
  • Numpty
    Sweet baby Jesus. Suddenly the possibility of Dodgy Dicky Cameron and his mates (see today's photo story in The Guardian on how 'different' some of the new Tory candidates are to make you dry heave for an hour) doesn't seem so bad. Smile and bit love and who knows Birds might send you a lifetime supply - whinging old bag.
  • The E.
    attenttion seeker
  • alexandrov
    http://www.pressup.biz/uploads/images/jules/julescustard.jpg Think she could lay of the custard a bit judging by this pic
  • Capability B.
    Make some yourself, you lazy bitch.
  • zeddy
    Well, if she comes around here looking for some creamy muck-muck, she can fuck right off.
  • andyofyarm
    I assume you refer to creamy muck muck in the style of Dick&Dom, rather than creamy muck muck in the style of Dick?
  • Timmo
    Birds custart is horrible and weak. Waitrose fresh vanilla custard FTW
  • Morocco
    No, you're horrible and weak.

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