The one about the bear, a urinal, the wetsuit and eBay
To people who say it's impossible to make money out of eBay anymore, we say tish and pish - here's a £300 wetsuit that currently has a bid of £2,000 with three days left to go.
What so special about it? Has it been made with the flayed skin of fairies and unicorns? Did Jacques Cousteau once tear the face off a sea monster's head while wearing it? The answer is, of course, yes. If by 'yes', you mean 'no'.
For starters, the seller is donating 90% of the money raised to victms of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami. So there's that. There's also the rather eloquent description of the goods:
You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.
I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits.
It's a size medium or "m", it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won't really but it will keep you warm and it's flexible so you'll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you're bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say "f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he's doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he's got some fresh dance moves". They probably won't say this.
On that basis alone, the lot has attracted nearly 100 bids and over 360,000 views, as well as other companies chipping in:
So the lovely lot over at DryRap are now donating one of their special change towels to the auction. This towel stops you exposing yourself whilst changing. It's one of those ideas you wish you'd thought of yourself. Jeff at the Miners Arms reckons he invented 'the horse' when he was a lad, we explained it was an animal and that evolution created it, he was having none of it, reckons he crossed a deer with a cow after a bottle of scotch.
Smashing. If you're a surf dude that likes to piss yourself, have a look for yourself and bid away.
Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader Jo