The future is now! Buy a jetpack today!

18 May 2009

Bitterwallet has often complained that the scientific and engineering communities are spending too much time fannying about with smartphones, advances in medicine and saving humanity from itself - and not nearly enough time building jetpacks. Because that's what the future is really about, that's the future we've been promised for years - taking to to skies, weaving between skyscrapers - not curing cancer or saving polar bears. Jetpacks. Now.

Finally, someone has heard our plea and cracked on with it, because the Martin Aircraft Company is selling their Martin Jetpack to the public! Zoom!

Except it's not a jetpack, it's a couple of colossal fans strapped to your back, although Martin Aircraft argue there's never been a true 'jet'pack, and will punch you in the face if you call their flying machine by any other name. We're going to call it a fannypack and see what they do.

Not anyone can own a jetpack though - your purchase is subject to passing a flight training course which takes between five and fifteen days. And you need $100,000 to buy one, although you can stick a $10,000 down while you scrape the rest together.

Not that we would. It's still not a real jetpack, is it? And without the ground to create downward force against, this model doesn't appear to fly any higher than a few feet, and is no faster than a bicycle. Our dreams of Boba Fett's style shenanigans will have to wait. Boo.



  • Robin
    The technical information on their website states the max speed is 63mph and max hover altitude is 8000ft! There is only enough fuel for 30 mins mind you so don't hang around at that height for too long! By the way, there is no such thing as "ground to create downward force against". There is a phenomenon called 'Ground Effect' which reduces the drag of lift creating surfaces at a low height but since the rotors in the Martin Jetpack are enclosed, this is already as efficient as it gets.
  • Mike H.
    Fuck jetpacks, teleportation is the 'next big thing' we can cure cancer at the same time by digitally removing the tumour whilst in transit to your destination, FUCKIN COOL!
  • Mr H.
    Mike - your argument invites deletion
  • Hairy S.
    Mike, exactly, and we can also make fly people, by putting flies in the teleporters, Yee fuckin haa
  • Amzmalhotra
    I want one.
  • LDJ
    We still can't [i]be[/i] iron man, yet? Booooo!
  • LDJ
    We still can't [i]do[/i] bbcode.... :oops: [/irony]
  • well w.
    they need to genetically alter bake beans to give higher and more sustained fart/bean ratio and then you really will have a proper jet pack, one which you could light to get that afterburner effect as an optional extra to your asbestos pants.
  • Boba f.
    The future is here and Fett shenanigans have already happened sirs ''' check this out
  • Boba f.
    The future is here and Fett shenanigans have already happened sirs ''' check this out
  • pauski
    Perfect for me - I bought one of those huge LCD TV's recently - now this gives the perfect viewing angle (with the added bonus of air flow within my 6'x9' lounge)..
  • £25K B.
    [...] does the future of transport look like? An air-powered motorcycle? A solar-powered pyramid car? A jetpack that means strapping two fans on your back? No, it’s a bicycle. And a motorcycle. Sort of. Admittedly, it’s one that goes 50 miles [...]
  • Danette M.
    Ich mag deinen Blog. Weißt du, was ist "Sexy Ohne Diät"?

What do you think?

Connect with Facebook, Twitter, or just enter your email to sign in and comment.

Your comment