Tesco to get their meat 'closer to home'/start selling human flesh*

27 February 2013

After the horse meat scandal (a scandal based entirely on a packaging issue, which is really very tedious), the head of Tesco has vowed to bring meat production "closer to home", which sounds like some grisly Soylent Green episode where the working classes will be rounded up and fed to retail's richest.

Or it means that Tesco want to work more closely with British farmers and that new testing process will roll out from from July. That could still mean human flesh being sold though couldn't it? It probably does. Tesco are above the law, clearly.

Speaking to the BBC, someone probably important from Tesco said he could not guarantee "right now today" that all of Tesco's products contained exactly what was on the label, but "that is our objective", he added. "I'm sure that we will be able to say that in the future, once the testing regime is completely in place."

Meanwhile, farmers are angry at all this and are going to vent their dirty spleens at the national farmer's conference which will be held in Birmingham. NFU president Peter Kendall said: "Farmers have been furious about what has happened. Farmers have spent many years working to ensure the British supply chain is fully traceable from farm to pack, and have upheld strong principles which are embodied in assurance schemes like Red Tractor. For me this is fundamental for consumer confidence."

That said, if farmers can get over the BSE crisis, then a bit of horsemeat should be a doddle and if this means people getting more meat from Britain, that'll be a good thing, right?

Kendall added: "Our research also demonstrates the strong demand for British-farmed products, and so retailers, processors and food service companies have a responsibility to ensure there is clear country of origin labelling on the products that consumers purchase."

(*probably not, at least for now)

7 comments

  • Phuck Y.
    There are plenty of old fuckwits that go into TESCO, but never seem to leave.
  • Oh N.
    Yes they'll buy it from Ireland.....
  • Han S.
    @Phuck you Where do you think they get the cheap meat from for the burgers now?
  • JonB
    "the working classes will be rounded up and fed to retail’s richest." I thought your website was convinced that "retail's richest" shop at Waitrose?
  • Sicknote
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha pause for breath ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....Tesco are lying cunts....ha ha ha ha ha ha
  • shiftynifty
    Er....Speaking to the BBC, Mr Clarke said he could not guarantee "right now today" that all of Tesco's products contained exactly what was on the label, but "that is our objective", he added. "I'm sure that we will be able to say that in the future, once the testing regime is completely in place." That is the most damning thing...methinks a ratner moment....So that Industrial shit they sell....may be Industrial Shit....
  • LD
    Hope the farmers tell them to take a flying f*ck when they come looking for some quality meat .....

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