Sky-high deals from Sky Mall that are the dogs
Judge a nation not by their fine television drama, their soaring cities of skyward glass and metal or their choice of President. No, judge a country by the craporama they'll attempt to sell you in their equivalent of the Innovations catalogue.
In the US though, you don't have to wait eagerly by the front door to see what Wilf Lunn-inspired bollocks is going to be pushed through the letterbox. They get you when you're far, far away, six miles above the surface off the planet, with Sky Mall. Tucked into the back of every seat is 150 pages of convoluted contraptions - some useful, others less so.
To save you the eyeball effort, we've picked through the very best examples of what America has to offer the world, so long as you can wait 7 to 10 days for delivery and have your Diners Club card ready. You'll notice a theme to today's selection:
PupSTEP Plus ($39.99)
It'll be easier for older pets, pets with joint problems, or even just tired pets, to get up onto their favorite couch, chair or bed for a well-deserved snooze.
Don't dogs have baskets anymore? If a dog is too old or too ill to jump on a bed or chair, they sleep on the floor. It's that simple. Or you can spend more money of more crap to clutter up your house. Own a horse? How about horse stairs? For crying out loud.
Folding Ramp ($159.99)
This Pet Ramp provides safe and easy access into vehicles, boats, pools and on to backyard decks. The lightweight ramp has a unique paw-friendly surface made of non-slip rubber ridges for secure footing even in wet conditions.
Look at the size of them. How about, and I'm going to put this right out there, you just, y'know, pick them up? With your hands?
Pet Wheel-Away - Red ($119.95)
This soft-sided wheeled carrier has a telescoping handle, is easy to pull, and meets most airline carry-on regulations. Converts easily to a backpack, a secure car seat with straps for the seatbelt, or a comfortable travel bed for pets up to 15 pounds.
It's difficult to know where to start with this. Just. Why? What's wrong with walking the dog? If you want to improve the dog's lifestyle, fit them with robotic legs like Colonel Steve Austin. Or bestow a second set of genitalia upon them. Not this.