Pink apples: witchcraft in the shops now
What you need to get your hands on now are pink-fleshed apples. No really. Apples. Apples that are pink on the inside like they've been injected with Ribena.
Tesco will be stocking the Surprize range of apples, which have been grown in Tillington, Herefordshire and will be stocked in 120 branches.
It's only £1.75 for four! Bloody Hell.
While no taste-testing appears to have gone on ahead of this auspicious launch, the rumour mill claims they're slightly sharper in taste but higher in vitamin C.
Which is quite a draw for an apple that is AN ABSOLUTE FREAK.
There's no news on what colour they turn if you cut them and leave them out for far too long, but if we had to put a bet on such a thing, we'd bet on off-turquoise.
Honestly. This planet.