Bathroom arguments get a right good pasting

Some statistics that we’ve just fashioned ourselves by shutting our eyes, holding hands, humming and then wildly stabbing away at the buttons on a calculator with a penknife suggest that more than 70% of British marriages break down thanks to rows over the toothpaste.

The same statistics show that if 50% of arguments about which part of the toothpaste tube should be squeezed were obliterated, the nation’s economy would rocket overnight and Britain’s official happiness levels would rise by 42%. Staggering.

Give thanks then for this – the two way toothpaste! And well done to its pioneer, Dominic Wilcox. Have a badge young man.


The blurb says…

“A two way toothpaste, ideal for those who get angry with their partner for squeezing the toothpaste from the front. Simply open the other end and squeeze from the back as demonstrated below. Also quite useful for getting the last of the paste out of the bottom.”

So many uses, so why is it not on the supermarket shelves NOW? We’re sure you lot will be able to give us at least a dozen reasons. You miserable sods – you don’t want Britain to be great again do you?


  • MrRobin
    OR... buy 2 tubes and have 1 each and they will also last twice as long?! Or is that just for me and my spendthrift ways?
  • Can't W.
    The sooner all the major brands adopt this design the better. The divorce rate will plummet! It's driven me mad for years, the wife always squeezes the top end of the tube, pushing all the toothpaste to the bottom. No matter how many times I complain and point it out, it makes no difference. Is it the female brain - that mystery no one will ever explain?
  • Mr. B.
    Have a read of this. It may change your outlook on the gooey white stuff
  • Nobby
    The toothpaste industry won't adopt this as they have a vested interest. They want divorces to happen. That way, there are more single people, each needing a tube each rather than sharing one. The kids also need a tube in each parent's house, since they die if they use adult toohpaste.
  • Dominic W.
    Good thoughts, thanks for linking. Dominic
  • Sean
    Mr. Baliff - Daily Mail reader per chance?

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