npower - Let's Wage War On Their Doorstep Idiots

22 December 2008

Shockingly, they fell at the first hurdle in our Worst Company In Britain competition, but there’ll be no proud crowing or puffing out of chests at npower's HQ today. Not now they’ve been fined a whopping £1.8 million by Ofgem for shitty door-to-door selling tactics.

If one of their shaved chimps knocks on your door in the near future, here’s a few ways you can get shot of them and avoid any subsequent hassle. The list doesn't include 'offer them a bag of capital letters for their stupid company's stupid name.'

1 – Pretend you’re French. And deaf. Growl occasionally.

2 – Tell them you can’t talk right now as you’re decomposing a corpse in a bath of acid and the eyeballs are just about to pop and it’s the best bit.

3 – Ask them if you can go round to their house later and provide some energy for them? If they decline, tell them it’s a deal-breaker.

4 – Tell them you generate your own energy by rubbing a balloon on your hair. Keep a balloon by the door and rub it on the salesperson’s hair to demonstrate.

5 – Act all excited and tell them that you love the Power Rangers too. Invite them in because you’ve got all the costumes and no one to play with.

Alternatively, you could just get one of those little signs that says ‘No Salespeople’ – why anyone would buy anything from someone who has just knocked on their door is completely beyond our comprehension.


  • Craig
    We are with Npower, terrible, just terrible! Spend at least 1/2 an hour in a qeue each time you ring, they insist on sending all correspondence addressed to "the occupier" of our home address, even though we have told them several times who we are! Then told us to ignore all correspondence addressed to "the occupier" then threaten to cut off our energy because we had ignored demands addressed to "the occupier"!!!!
  • Martin
    My responses would be .... 1) Cricket is the most boring game in the world, I'm not funding it. 2) Would you like a discussion about the bible, as I'm off to my Jehavah's Witness study group. 3) Fuck off.
  • N P.
    I had a knock on the door from one of these shaved chimps about two years ago and went through the "fuck off im happy with my current supplier" routine. Imagine my surprise when around a week later I got all the paperwork through saying "thanks for switching to npower! Obviously I took them to the cleaners via The ombudsmon and received an official apolagy and reinstatment with my old supplier but they did it on plain paper not npower headed stuff ..... brave eh? utter winkers ;o(
  • Chris
    The best response I have ever heard to get rid of someone trying to sell you something/sign up/give to charity etc was: "I'm sorry, I would love to talk to you, but as part of my bail conditions I shouldn't be near women..." (Or something along those lines, it was one of those 'you had to be there' things. Clearly you can adapt this to suit your preference - Perhaps you have a contagious disease acquired whilst backpacking in India, or that Gas wouldn't be a good idea as you like to play with fire... Which reminds me, have you seen my lighter and deoderant? Be creative :) Glad to see nPower got a kick in the nads though.
  • ad
    they hang around in packs knocking on my friggin door at every chance they get , knockty knock ``would you like to save 25% off your elec bill ?`` ``yes mate , thats why i have a fixed rate with scotish power `` ``you can save 25% if you switch to n-power`` `` no i cant , like i said its a fixed rate mate , its fixed to the price before the unfair hikes , im paying sod all compared to most and you cant match prices from 2007`` ``you can save 25% if you switch to n-power `` etc etc , when im thinking of changing suppliers what i do is wait by the front door for a knock becuase we all do all our utilities via the friggin doorstep dont we

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