npower - Let's Wage War On Their Doorstep Idiots
Shockingly, they fell at the first hurdle in our Worst Company In Britain competition, but there’ll be no proud crowing or puffing out of chests at npower's HQ today. Not now they’ve been fined a whopping £1.8 million by Ofgem for shitty door-to-door selling tactics.
If one of their shaved chimps knocks on your door in the near future, here’s a few ways you can get shot of them and avoid any subsequent hassle. The list doesn't include 'offer them a bag of capital letters for their stupid company's stupid name.'
1 – Pretend you’re French. And deaf. Growl occasionally.
2 – Tell them you can’t talk right now as you’re decomposing a corpse in a bath of acid and the eyeballs are just about to pop and it’s the best bit.
3 – Ask them if you can go round to their house later and provide some energy for them? If they decline, tell them it’s a deal-breaker.
5 – Act all excited and tell them that you love the Power Rangers too. Invite them in because you’ve got all the costumes and no one to play with.
Alternatively, you could just get one of those little signs that says ‘No Salespeople’ – why anyone would buy anything from someone who has just knocked on their door is completely beyond our comprehension.