Now You CAN Go To Hospital And Survive!

Lucky consumers now have a new weapon in the battle against hospital superbugs like MRSA, C.diff and e.coli – a germ-slaying kit that can be purchased in advance of your hospital stay.

Costing £15.99, the PatientPak includes hair and body wash, soap and a fabric spray for curtains and bed sheets. You might also want to take in your own bedpan, cover yourself from head to toe in bubblewrap and breathe through a face mask – just to be on the safe side.

The problem is that it’s all well and good if you know you’re heading in for a routine operation, but what about those of us who are unfortunate enough to become suddenly ill and have to be rushed into hospital? Maybe our ambulance drivers can try flogging you a kit as they’re whizzing you through the streets towards your local germ-addled hell-hole.

“Andy, I’m going to put this oxygen mask on you now – and would you be interested in one of these germ-killing kits? You know, so that the fairly straightforward treatment for your minor head injury doesn’t lead to you spending six months in a coma while a flesh-eating bug takes half your leg off.”

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