Now you can find out how sloppy your seconds have really been


In what can in no way be described as an attention-seeking piece of web tomfoolery, the sharp-witted pharmacists at Lloyds have upped a scary sexual history game which can tell you just how much… er, porridge you’ve… er stirred over the years.

It’s called the Sex Degrees Of Separation Calculator and within seconds of you inputting some personal stats, it’ll tell you how vast your sexual network is, spreading out as far as six generations of Yankee doodle fun.

Here at BWHQ, we all had a go and the computers all blew up – that’s how sexually brilliant we all are. Honest.

Have fun with it kids, and think carefully before you take the ‘Yes, I’d like to upload the results to Twitter’ option. You never know who’ll be watching.


  • MrRobin
    Ugh... that's disgusting. I feel sick thinking about that. F*** knows how it calculates that tho. If I pretend I'm an honest 18 yr old lad smitten with my first girl who claimed I was also her first, then surely my sexual network is 1. This thing returns 246! I knew she was a lying bitch!!!!
  • me
    I dont get it - what does this actually show??
  • Paul
    @MrRobin Huh? There's no option to say how many partners your partner has/claims to have had. @me "This figure represents the number of people you have indirectly slept with, going back six generations of partners. If you'd like to see what the figure is going back just three degrees click the button below." @Lloyds Pharmacy There's no options for under 16s?
  • MrRobin
    @Paul That's what I mean. Some unsuspecting innocent lad thinks he had a mutual cherry popping with his one and only love and this site says nope sorry mate you've probably got the clap.
  • me
    lol at the above, thats why I was confused, I tried giving the lowest answer and couldnt understand how it came up with 200+! Even so how does it calculate it? Whats to day its not just giving a random number no matter what questions are picked?
  • Ham S.
    That's all shite anyhow, i'm still a virgin @ 46 and masturbate several times a day :) I have a fannyphobia and an aversion to fishy minge :oops:
  • Ham S.
    Having taken the sloppy seconds test this ones next: HIV saliva test - £34.00 Convenient laboratory test using the post :)
  • Amanda H.
    I don't get it. I'd like to indirectly smash the face of the person who thought it up tho.
  • Ham S.
    yeah Amanda Hugginkiss but would you like to unknowingly stir their spunky minge with your disco stick :oops:
  • Imnomachine
    Well check this out for stats. Im 120 (for the purpose of this anyway) have slept with 50 women (unfortunately still for the purpose of this) and i have had 550927 indirect and direct sexual partners - roughly 4591 a year or 12 a day - hugh hefner has nothing on this machine
  • Ham S.
    Imnomachine ^^^^^^ You dirty HHHHHOOOOOOOOWWWWWWEEEEEEERRRRRR...........sssssllllaaagggggggggg :)
  • Shanks
    Shanks here. Supposedly I have slept with over 2.7 million people. What a load of rubbish, I'm sure that I would have remembered that.

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