Now you can attract cats without smearing yourself in tins of Whiskas...
Are you trying to become one of those weird lonely people who live with a menagerie of cats but can’t get the cats to like you? Maybe you used to have cats but they all ran away or died. Can life get any worse?
Don’t panic - you’ll soon be looking like the cat that got the cream once you invest in a bar of this – Cat Food Scented Soap. Just wash yourself from head to toe every day using this stuff and the felines will some come flocking from far around.
Then you can lock the door, dress them up in little cat costumes you’ve made and, erm... get them to perform various theatrical versions of Charles Dickens’ works for your own sick amusement. Such as The Life And Times Of Martin Chuzzlewhiskers or Mee-our Mutual Friend.