Nothing says 'You should probably leave me' quite like this...
Surely there’s no better way to show that special someone that you desire them and/or heart them massively to bits on the upcoming extravaganza of love and spending that is Valentine’s Day than this – the fucking heart-shaped cucumber.
It’s available exclusively (we assume) at Sainsbury’s and was probably pioneered by a group of keen-eyed food scientists in their busy laboratory of supermarket romance over the past few months.
You can get yours from today and it’s only £1.00, as opposed to the usual cucumber price of about 70p. Erm... bargain?
Sainsbury’s beautifully-scripted power-blurb says:
“Perfectly shaped once sliced, surprise your loved one with an at-home spa treatment complete with a relaxing face mask or play Aphrodite - Goddess of Love by making a romantically dressed Greek salad.”
Or, if you’re alone this Valentine’s Day, you could always aim for a quick, cheap thrill by jamming it in and out of an appropriate orifice for a bit.
(thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader nicster08)