Nothing says 'You should probably leave me' quite like this...

9 February 2011

Surely there’s no better way to show that special someone that you desire them and/or heart them massively to bits on the upcoming extravaganza of love and spending that is Valentine’s Day than this – the fucking heart-shaped cucumber.

heartcucumbersIt’s available exclusively (we assume) at Sainsbury’s and was probably pioneered by a group of keen-eyed food scientists in their busy laboratory of supermarket romance over the past few months.

You can get yours from today and it’s only £1.00, as opposed to the usual cucumber price of about 70p. Erm... bargain?

Sainsbury’s beautifully-scripted power-blurb says:

“Perfectly shaped once sliced, surprise your loved one with an at-home spa treatment complete with a relaxing face mask or play Aphrodite - Goddess of Love by making a romantically dressed Greek salad.”

Or, if you’re alone this Valentine’s Day, you could always aim for a quick, cheap thrill by jamming it in and out of an appropriate orifice for a bit.

(thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader nicster08)


  • oliverreed
    Surely even a well trained minge couldn't tell the difference? Waste of an extra 30p
  • me
    If they were white and had a apple on it then it would be justified the extra price!
  • PokeHerPete
    @me - Id pay £100 for that!
  • Jermone
    wtf is dis real?

What do you think?

Connect with Facebook, Twitter, or just enter your email to sign in and comment.

Your comment