New gentlemen's hosiery business is launched- but will it be a sock-cess?

14 September 2012

socksWhat’s missing from your life? The love of a good woman? Good health and hearty meals? Or is it a monthly delivery of black socks? Who would have thought sending people socks through the post was a viable business idea? Still the company, socked, only launched last month so perhaps it remains to be seen just how much of a goer it is.

But to be fair to them they have already identified a problem in their target market. Men in the UK just aren’t gentlemanly enough,  so have prepared their top five tips on how you, dear Bitterwallet reader, can become more gentlemanly (and presumably be overcome with the desire to order monthly socks). Wishing you luck…

1. Look after your appearance

A gentleman would never wear odd socks; you should always take pride in your appearance when you go out in the world because that is a show of respect to the other people around you.

2. To curse is to be rude

Swearing, as your mother will tell, you is a "no" in all circumstances. By cursing you are merely showing that you have a distinct lack of vocabulary and an inability to express your thoughts appropriately. Furthermore , others will only remember you for your crudeness and vulgarity.

3. Let others speak

Always be courteous and let others finish what they are saying before adding your comments. To break this rule is a sign of poor social skills and a distinct lack of etiquette to both the person talking and to those that are listening. If, however, you want to be seen as rude and egotistical you may do so by interrupting others.

4. Do not spit

This should go without saying. However, our study shows that 46% of men do this subconsciously. Spitting is horrid habit and to witness it only leads to instant disgust. Do not spit in public under any circumstances unless you want to look like you were raised in a sewer.

5. There is no need to shout

When a person speaks loudly or shouts, it does nothing but to raise the stress levels among your current company and of those who are in close vicinity. It implies that you are rude, show no consideration to others around you and that you cannot reason with others, so you rely instead on brute force in order to get your point across. This will only draw negative attention towards you.

If you need further convincing, why not listen to their hard-sell-

Sirs (or their partners) can order in any colour they like as long as it is black.

With a black sock subscription you will never have odd socks again.

Black socks look great in winter, spring, summer and autumn.

Good manners cost nothing, socks start at £1.97 a pair including delivery.

Prince William wore black socks on his wedding day.

Putting on a fresh new pair of socks is a much-loved experience that is mentioned over 10,000 times a week on Twitter.

Missing socks cost the average household £137 per year.

And if all that weren’t enough for you louts, socked are working on the world’s largest survey to find out what happens to missing socks. We suspect it will be the largest survey where the predominant response is a shrug.

To be fair, the socked socks work out at £2.50 a pair, which isn’t too stinky, but they only offer a monthly, quarterly or biannual service, selling four pairs at a time. While we can conceive you might need to buy 8 pairs of socks a year, we are at a loss as to why someone would need 4 pairs of socks every month. That’s 48 pairs a year. It would be cheaper (and more gentlemanly) to just cut your toenails.

3 comments

  • Spencer
    missing socks cost £137 a year? nope... don't get that at all... any guesses?
  • captain c.
    They are DOOMED - most of the chavs round here dont even WEAR socks!!!
  • Darren
    Black socks are for people with no creativity and like to conform to bordem. simple really, I do not own a pair of plain black socks! Just like all clothes, socks are there to keep your feet warm but why not allow them to show a bit of your personality too. Don't be boring. be Fun! and I get my socks from Pri-Marni at 6 pairs for a fiver..

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