Nescafe gets a rebrand

nescafe Do you remember REAL coffee? Pleasing granuled joy, that dissolved satisfactorily on impact with water, and as a bonus, might have been in Gareth Hunt's hand?

None of this tax-dodging buckets of gloop that passes for it these days.

That's right, Nescafé is still a thing, and to show how much of a thing it has been for 75 YEARS, it's being rebranded with a new unified look across all of its products worldwide.

The new look features a modernised brand icon, with a red accent, as well as the ‘hub’ – a stylised aerial view of a coffee mug.

The branding also uses the new slogan ‘It all starts with a Nescafé’. They have failed to quantify what 'it' is, so we'll just have to wait and see.

Nescafé (again, the entire company, not a human) say that the new designs have been created "with new, younger consumers in mind", because if the world needs anything, it is young people hopped up on instant coffee so they can really commit to being infuriating to everyone else.

Hence the new wackaging - look! A  jolly smiling cup!

nescafe cup

Patrice Bula, Nestlé’s head of marketing, says, ‘Nescafé is our largest single brand… and one of the cornerstones of our company. But we live in a more globalised, social world and we realised that we needed a more unified, powerful umbrella for a brand like Nescafé – a single personality that could also be expressed differently in each country."

Marketing there, spouting shit since time began.


  • A. T.
    I thought everyone knew, Nestle kill babies.
  • God
    They should put a cute cat on the jar, not only will that make 70% of the planet coo, and perhaps buy the stuff, it also goes well with the fact that the stuff SMELLS LIKE CAT PISS!!
  • The S.
    They can redesign it all they want and give away £50 notes with every jar, no product from those bunch of money-grabbing, animal torturing (and possibly baby killing) scumbags will ever taint the inside of my house. Any company that re-creates tests that were first done 50 years ago to come up with the same conclusions needs collectively kneecapping. Yes, they re-discovered that dripping their disgusting coffee into rabbit's eyes irritated and pissed off the bunnies (any self respecting lupine drinks Kenco). You can't even use corporate greed as an excuse for their behaviour.
  • The S.
    I swear if anyone should suggest I "have a Nescafe" with them, I shall start the kneecapping process myself.
  • The S.
    If this gets rejected - Bitter Wallet will be next in line after Nestle. Surely this is discrimination? Based on what? My IP address? No wonder the amount of comments has been falling recently. Sort your WordPress out! Jeez . . .

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