Money-off vouchers will surely foil burglars

The government are fighting back against burglars – with discount vouchers for B&Q and Focus DIY. Home Sec Jacqui Smith has taken her eye off her bongo-mad husband for just long enough to launch a new scheme which helps the public to help themselves against burglars. Oddly enough, blockading Google Street View cars isn’t on the agenda.

What is though, is a £6 million Safer Homes fund which will pay for home visits to up to 45,000 homes of people who are likely to be a bit lacking in the home security department, such as the elderly and people on low incomes.

Better still, people who live in the vicinity of a recently-burgled property will get advice and info on how to prevent future burglaries of their property, AND discount cards from Focus DIY and B&Q, helping them to save cash on thiefproofing their homes.

Or they could just regularly check out HotUKDeals and probably save themselves even more. Just a thought like. Back to your 24-hour porn detection scheme Ms. Smith…


  • Mike H.
    Surely if you're on low income or and 'old duffer' then you ain't got nuffink to nick? Oh sorry, you can get whatever your chav ass wants on 29% APR finance can't you? and the government will subsidise your entertainment requirements as you need something to keep you occupied whilst you ahem... search for a job, yes?
  • andy y.
    that's not a burglar it's a plumber ..same difference
  • The B.
    Why has no one ever pointed out the sort of porn Mr Smith was actually watching? One was a film called Raw Meat 3 which features some gentlemen who indulge in burgling activities of their own, they do some gardening too.
  • Robert S.
    @Rob Chortle Chortle!
  • ex f.
    cant wait for the ineviatable stories of burglars robbing old people after posing as one of these safer homes people
  • ASkillz this is horrible! i hate girls like this

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