Missed your parcel delivery? It'll be down the juicer

Whenever we mention courier companies and their haphazard delivery methods around these parts, we brace ourselves for a raging tsunami of comments from you lot, slagging practically all of them off.

It’s all “they left my Xbox in a burning skip outside my house” and “my new camera was unusable because the delivery driver fed it to a passing dog and then stapled the ‘sorry we missed you’ info card to its hind leg.”

But where were YOU when you should have been sitting at home, waiting patiently between 8am and 7pm for your goods? You were down the fucking pub weren’t you? Admit it you weasel.

Problems like that will soon be a thing of the past. Now you can booze the day away AND take safe delivery of all the stuff you don’t even remember ordering because you were so pissed when you did it.

That’s thanks to a new scheme devised by pub awareness group Use Your Local – they’ve signed up more than 500 pubs, whose landlords are happy to take delivery of parcels when the householder is out. So you don’t really need to be an all-day pisshead to use the service. But it definitely helps.


  • Mike e.
    Ellison, that reminds me, it's national melons day.
  • twat
    Uhuh, well I AM a delivery driver (I'm not saying who I work for!) but I deliver to pubs aswell as residential addresses. TBH, I'd rather deliver to someones house than a pub during daytime anyway-at least I can leave it with neighbours if their out. Half the pubs in my area are either closed anyway until the afternoon, or the people don't answer their door after 20mins of kicking it off the hinges. Do pubs have room to store parcels? Safe places away from prying eyes? Oh yes under the drip trays will be fine.
  • Carl
    they've had something similar in France for years, where you can have your item delivered to a local shop (usually a newsagents or a tabac) rather than to your home. It was great for me as I was out at uni all day and could collect my item in the evening on the way home. Why a similar system doesn't exist here I have no idea, but at my old address in Cardiff the Parcelforce man used to leave my parcels at the shop a few doors down from my flat, so I'd never have to venture to the depot. Fantastic!
  • Marcus S.
    Carl, such a scheme already does exist here, albeit on a smaller scale - a few off-licenses, vegetable shops, newsagents etc in this town allow parcel deliveries which people then go in to collect. I've seen it in a few other areas too. Would be good if it was done on a national scale.
  • Linz
    The people who deliver to our house usually put things in our bins (yeah... seriously). It's fine when they choose the blue bin, because that's paper recycling... but the amount of times they don't put a card through the letterbox means we now rifle through that bin before we put it out for the council. They've been known to choose the green bin too... which is garden waste, usually rotting. There was a complaint about that one. They've yet to put anything in the general crap black bin though. Our postman is quite good at finding hiding places in our garden for stuff, so we very rarely have to go down to the depot. We get little scribbled notes on our door mat saying "Parcel. Down the garden, behind the garage, under the patio chair." It's like a treasure hunt... and our postie looks a bit like a pirate too. Makes that Amazon purchase of some headphones that little bit more exciting than it otherwise would be :)
  • Joff
    There was a network set up a few years ago to allow independent shop owners to take delivery of parcels, not sure if it still exists though. Shame Royal Mail have been closing all the little post offices!
  • Andy D.
    Comment of the day for the postman/pirate stuff.
  • bob
    Had a delivery from the HDN. Put it behind the wheel of my dads car. He jumped in the car and, you guessed it, ran it over. Needless to say I was not impressed.
  • bykergrove
    nice post Andy was genuinely funny, linz was funny too!
  • Duaine D.
    Ellison looks a lot like Katona.
  • crofter
    Great I can get all my goat pron delivered to my local boozer ... I am just off to double check their postcode!!
  • Duds
    "I’d rather deliver to someones house than a pub during daytime anyway-at least I can leave it with neighbours if their out." No you can't. It's a parcel to deliver to my house, not a random one of your choice. You don't know how I get on with said neighbours, or even if I know them.
  • Thunderchump
    I just get my parcels delivered to my house, if i'm not in they just leave it with our concierge ;)
  • Bill
    'No you can’t. It’s a parcel to deliver to my house, not a random one of your choice. You don’t know how I get on with said neighbours, or even if I know them.' I couldn't give a shit whether you like your neighbours, I've offloaded the parcel.
  • Mike U.
    Speaking of juicer, I'll suck Ellison's Melons anytime!!!
  • angelkelly
    Does anyone else see the potential for scammers and idiots to abuse such a system? And now when you file the police report or try to go through small claims... all you have is their hotmail email address. a mobile number they probably got as a temp, and a forum username, cause the address they gave you was for their local boozer... but you didnt think to check that before you sent them that item / money.... Not a good idea at all in my opinion.
  • Mike e.
    "...you can have your parcel when you've drunk 5 pints. Crisps or peanuts with that?"
  • Simon
    It's true, many sites will only allow for delivery to the card holder's address for exactly that reason. But apart from that, lets face it who wants to go out to collect every parcel they order? When I pay for a delivery it's to have it delivered to me, at my home address... not to a location I have to go and collect it from! I can see why the Pubs like it ... they need to try everything they can, to get customers back in, but would you really want to use this service? There are way better solutions out there than this!
  • ParcelPal
    A solution you may wish to comment on? Not yet released, but on it's way! Not meant to be a plug, just looking for genuine feedback.
  • zeddy
    @Mike Unt: you are more than welcome. There's something not quite right about her looks.
  • Mike e.
    I like the idea of Ellison and Katona, 2 for 1 deal, nice.
  • zeddy
    Hmmmm, Katona's a 2 for 1 deal on her own.
  • Jack j.
    I wish I could have a successful blog like you. How did you get to the point where you got so much traffic and participation on your site. What was the most important thing you did or are doing right now if you don't mind me asking?
  • Edmund M.
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