Just Why Is That Cheese Cow Laughing At You?

27 January 2009

Ever wondered why a jolly green giant sells us sweetcorn? Answer – the company’s original CEO was a real life green giant (although he wasn’t actually jolly – he was a miserable son of a bitch.)

Ever wondered why a laughing cow sells us cheese? Answer – because the company who makes the stuff shows classic Loony Tunes cartoons to their cows while they’re milking them; because happy milk is tastier milk.

Ever wondered what the connection is between Quaker Oats and the religious sect of the same name? Answer – they used to be called Johnson’s Oats until the Quakers’ mafia division ‘negotiated’ a 93% cut of all profits in 1897.

Those above statements are completely untrue, although we’d be delighted if you’d like to mischievously spread them as facts in our bid to fill the world with tinkerish lies.

If you’d like to know the real stories behind those iconic brands, this Neatorama feature will help you out. It’ll also give you origins of some American brand names that you’ve never heard of but that’s no reason not to read them. Hell, you might even BE an American. That's fine - we’re not prejudiced. Just don't touch anything and shut the door on your way out.


  • The B.
    I was under the impression the cow was laughing was because it isn't a cow and that's not an udder you're pulling on.
  • The B.
    And Quaker oats were once Quicker oats until someone in California, who'd been contipated for a month, ate 15 bowls and shat a colossal pooh,which caused a huge back up in the sewage system, this, in turn, added extra stress to the San Andreas fault, causing the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.
  • The B.
    Fuck me, that was some poor grammar.
  • Andy D.
    But factually awesome.
  • veedubjai
    Poor grammar in deed. Constipated is how you spell it. constipated (adjective) unable to empty your bowels as often as you should: If you ate more fibre you wouldn't get constipated. constipation (noun) to get/have/suffer from constipation
  • The B.
    Actually, I was talking about the poorly positioned commas hence my use of the word grammar, poor spelling is generally know as poor spelling not poor grammar. Twat.
  • Jauffre
    ^ Why do you care so much?
  • veedubjai
    Poor spelling in deed with bad attitude.
  • jane
    go away The Real Bob - you're a nasty, swearing, cynical bore. Can't the moderators get rid of him?
  • Fred C.
    As for barn eggs, free range chicken , the subject matter which is the noun is not meant to be described by the adjective. So in the laughing cow, the laughing is not describing the cow. In barn eggs , the adjective actually describe the businessmen as living in a luxury convreted barn cottage, the eggs could come from a battery rather than a barn. In free range, the chicken is not such, it is the buyer of the chicken who is free range.
  • welshwizz
    Apparently the owner of Kellogs (Mr Kellogs I believe) in early 20th century was hanging about with some well-to-do-ers at a social bash discussing his wacky new idea for breakfast (a cereal) when a famous (at the time it seems....) Welsh female opera singer mentioned how similar his name was to 'Ceiliog' which means cockerel in Welsh. This it seems is how the famous Kellogs cockerel logo came to being - and in the colours of the Welsh flag. Honest.
  • The B.
    Good lord, I've offended Jane by saying "shat", somebody call the swear police, as for veedub, I was simply pointing out that you'd gone to extreme lengths to prove my point but were contexually incorrect making you seem foolish but you knew that already.
  • Curved S.
    The cow's laughing because you're on acid, have you ever seen a red cow wearing round cheese recepticles as fecking earings laughing it's teets off in a field? You have? You were on acid? You were? see! ... you got any more tabs? I want to see this laughing cow, you do? Thats great.
  • M.¥.&&
    the cow's laughing cos people are stupid enough to believe whatever advertisement's/people tell em. sachi and sachi aka bulls eye
  • Andy D.
    "Ever wondered why a laughing cow sells us cheese? Answer – because the company who makes the stuff shows classic Loony Tunes cartoons to their cows while they’re milking them; because happy milk is tastier milk." I'd made that up - 24 hours later it turns out to be true! http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/7854745.stm It's a mad world eh readers?

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