It's gay marriages galore at Starbucks apparently...

23 March 2012


If you’re a Starbucks customer, taking a single sip from one of their hugely popular drinks is akin to dragging two homosexualist men into a church, up the aisle and forcing them to marry.

That’s the message that’s being pumped out hard by a new campaigning group, ‘Dump Starbucks’ – they’re angry that the global coffee houses are in favour of same-sex marriages. In fact they’re so angry that they’ve got a website and done a Twitter and a petition and everything.

They say…

"We are urging customers across the globe to 'Dump Starbucks' because it has taken a corporate-wide position that the definition of marriage between one man and one woman should be eliminated and that same-sex marriage should become equally 'normal'. As such, Starbucks has deeply offended at least half its US customers, and the vast majority of its international customers.

On January 12th, 2012, Starbucks issued a memorandum declaring that same-sex marriage 'is core to who we are and what we value as a company.'

Starbucks also used its resources to participate in a legal case seeking to overturn a federal law declaring marriage as the union of one man and one woman.

In many areas of the world where Starbucks does business, the concept of 'gay marriage' is unheard of and deeply offensive to cultural, moral and religious values. In taking these actions, Starbucks has declared a culture war on all people of faith (and millions of others) who believe that the institution of marriage as one man and one woman is worth preserving.

A portion of every cup of coffee purchased at a Starbucks anywhere in the world goes to fund this corporate assault on marriage.
We urge consumers across the globe to join the 'Dump Starbucks' campaign."

There you have it folks. Spend your pennies at Starbucks and you’re tacitly admitting that it’s kind of okay for guys to marry guys and chicks to marry chicks. Snub them, and (in their opinion) you’re standing up for all that is right and true and good.

None of us here at Bitterwallet are actually gay (not that there’s anything wrong with it) and so we’re fairly unmoved by the whole thing. Is there a coffee house that gives out free topless hand shandies perchance?


  • haggis
    They still won't welcome my dog husband though. Bastards.
  • Chauvanist
    That's odd haggist - they let my bitch wife in.
  • Zleet
    A corporate entity making a correct moral judgment, I'm stunned.
  • Samuel B.
    Looks like COSTA getting my custom from now on .... not that it wasn't already getting it
  • A F.
    If I was gay I guess that I would enjoy putting my penis in a mans bum. I assume that I would also enjoy letting a man put his penis in my bum. I would also probably enjoy putting Starbucks coffee up my bum for an erotic enema. I guess that I would also like to marry another man, just so I would have a never ending supply of penis, but if he was to tired and had a headache, I would get divorced.
  • Shooter M.
    A group of people making an economic decision against a corporate entity making an incorrect, imo, moral judgment. Unlike Zleet, I'm not stunned.
  • A M.
    Do they serve negros? I like coffee white and white only.
  • Nik
    All they have to do now is serve coffee that doesn't taste like muddy water (while charging decent prices for it) and I'll actively consider them in preference to less enlightened rival outlets.
  • Noghar
    People who claim to speak for 'the vast majority', invariably don't.
  • Dirk B.
    Does this mean I'm gay?
  • Katee S.
    Well, I like a drink from the furry cup me.
  • Cheesey
    "chicks to marry chicks." I'm in favour of chicks marrying chicks if they let us watch and video themselves getting it on. "Is there a coffee house that gives out free topless hand shandies perchance?" I'm sure Andy means a shirtless gay man tossing him off...
  • yteicos
    Good on Starbucks. Why should some religious nutcases decide who we can marry and who we cant?
  • Zleet
    Everyone has the right to be fucking miserable.
  • Steve
    Dirty faggots. Next they'll be welcoming paedophiles.
  • Trevor M.
    I look forward to Starbucks' views on the Iranian nuclear program, the US Presidential election and the Eurozone crisis. Let the people know, Starbucks!
  • Starbucks
    We regard the development of nuclear technology by Iran with great concern. Is Iran were allowed to construct a working weapon then the whole region would become destabilised generating justifiable fear in Israel, Saudi Arabia, Jordan and Turkey. Models indicate that this development would lead to a reduction in the consumption of premium coffee products in stores as people shelter for safety underground. We also anticipate a sharp, but short duration, increase in the sales of our VIA brand due to hording in bunkers for the probable apocalypse that would likely follow. In conclusion; we side with the IAEA’s programme of inspection and we encourage Iran to make a full disclosure. At Starbucks we like our Americano black or with a hint of milk; just like we like our ‘Americano’ Presidents. We look on the Eurozone crisis and an opportunity for growth in the Mediterranean region where it had previously been difficult to push into the market due to strong local brands and outlets. As these continue to close due to financial difficulties we have greatly benefited from our ability to use economies of scale and our willingness to accept short term losses to build up our brand presence. While, in the short term, there will be little profit form engaging in these markets we expect strong growth in the second half of the decade.
  • Capability B.
    "None of us at bitterwallet are gay". As far as you know, that is.
  • Elton J.
    Starbucks are number one. Costa can suck my ball sack.
  • Gazumpa
    "None of us here at Bitterwallet are actually gay (not that there’s anything wrong with it) and so we’re fairly unmoved by the whole thing." I'm not black, but that doesn't mean I'm 'unmoved' by racial discrimination.
  • A F.
    Starbucks don't serve negros. At Starbucks negros serve you
  • Capability B.
    What is interesting is that this so called "majority group" have yet to come up with any substantiated proof that Starbucks ever said such a thing. Geez, never thought the day would come that I would end up defending Starbucks. Their coffee is shit and overpriced, and they charge more for a cup of their caffeinated warm water than they pay the farmers who grow the coffee itself.
  • Businessman
    Starbucks and Costa are equally annoying. I remember when I used to be able to order "a coffee", and get one. Now I have to learn conversational Italian first. What if you came round to my house after a session in the pub and I boiled the kettle and said what do you fancy... then when you said "think I'll go for coffee please mate" I pretended not to understand and ranted on about will it be latte a machiato amerikano or what. Fuck em.
  • ShakesHeadSadly
    Who STILL pays £3+ for a coffee??? Aren't we in a recession?!?!? Top Recession Tip - If you drank less coffee, you could buy more petrol. Not that I'm suggesting you drink petrol. Though if you're into StarBucks, you'd probably never tell the difference.
  • Mike H.
    Because, if you drink starbucks, you're gay.
  • Wonkey H.
    I'm off around businessman's gaff and getting wankered...
  • Angrymanc
    This article is dumb and anyone that has made any homophobic comments are especially dumb! Anyone that doesn't agree with marriage equality is even dumber than the two above and the whole 'Dump Starbucks thing' I bet was created by some fat 40 year old who has got absolutely nothing going for them apart from the marrige to their cousin. You say bitterwallet doesn't mind but make a point of saying none of you are gay...1 in 5 are gay so chances are one of you is lying! and where can we get some hand shandies wtf! I feel like i'm losing brain cells reading've just lost a reader!
  • T
    ^ Gay

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