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In the shops now! - boot-up a Danish-themed England laptop

23 February 2010
By Paul Smith

Thanks to HUKD member Martin Ellson and avid Bitterwallet reader Billy for bringing to our attention the shoddiest piece of World Cup merchandise we've seen since the Wayne Rooney hatstand, and it can be yours right now for just £245 at ASDA:

Bitterwallet - England laptop

Isn't it sweet? And classy. Yessir - if you don't buy one right now, you're not a true fan. We can't think of a better way to support England in South Africa this summer than by purchasing a crappy netbook with a Danish-coloured flag slapped on. Er. And the blurb agrees! Sort of:

You've got the shirt, you've got the scarf, you've got the flag, now get the official England FA laptop, and show your support to the lads. The official England laptop will support the FA's 'Invest In The Game' scheme, which sees any surplus from merchandising put back into football at grass roots level. Fans can feel confident that by purchasing this product, as well as supporting their national heroes, they are also investing in the future of the beautiful game.

Is that so? If I buy one, will it mean our national football team will stop sticking it in anything with a hole and crack on with playing football? No? Oh.

10 comments

  • Tom
    Atleast you can watch the final....not that England will be there.
    Reply ·
  • Mike U.
    I bet this is the kind of shite the government will give all the families as part of their 'Broadband For All' pledge, so expect to see a shit lot of these shipped to chavs all over the UK complete with a burberry carry case!!!
    Reply ·
  • Daniel
    I have just purchased 4, one for each window of my crappy ford cortina. Fly the flag...
    Reply ·
  • Junkyard
    Sure, the flag's a bit of a cock-up, but just take a look at the awesome specs: - Screen Type: Yes Memory Card Slot: TFT LCD Graphics: Yes Built In Devices: Yes Battery Life (hrs): Yes Weight: Lithium-Ion Software Included: 120 Accessories Included: 1.4 Length of Labour Guarantee: Microsoft Works Dimensions: AC adaptor
    Reply ·
  • Junkyard
    I for one would love to own a laptop that comes with a screen, graphics and built-in devices, 120 softwares, 1.4 accessories and weighs as much as a single ion of lithium.
    Reply ·
  • The B.
    Ah, the 2 things I love most in the world - South Africans and football, I'm hoping that all the Saffers **** off home for the duration and decide to stay there, the less of the arrogant, obnoxious ****s in the UK, the better. Not a lot you can do about football except hide when England inevitably lose and the knuckle draggers form a lynch mob randomly kicking seven shades out of any caught in their path.
    Reply ·
  • Nobby
    @Bob, you can use the words fuck and cunt.
    Reply ·
  • Jase
    Loving the messed up spec. Who the hell sells a laptop with Windows XP?!
    Reply ·
  • hank
    "any surplus from merchandising put back into football" - yeah, right!
    Reply ·
  • Now B.
    [...] Ha ha. Nothing says you’re a true England fan like a Mira Azora 9.8kW electric shower. Except for a new netbook, [...]
    Reply ·

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