In the shops now! ASDA serves up Halloween
Back in my day, Halloween meant a bit of fake blood and false vampire teeth for some, maybe sticking a cushion up the jumper and pretending to be Quasimodo for others. It meant knocking on all the doors in the next street for the kids, and all the neighbours going to the pub for the evening, or staying at home and playing Doctor Hook at an ear-piercing volume to drown out the knocking. Good times.
25 years on, Halloween is seemingly all about buying a life-size butler (1.8 metre tall) that does nothing except entertain pissed students and freak out young children to aid bed wetting. Thanks, ASDA!
There's a Bitterwallet prize to the first five readers who send us a photo of them posing with this monstrosity. Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.