In the shops now! #1: El vino for the terminally lazy

7 January 2009

I understand we all lead busy lives. I also recognise that plenty of people can't cook or indeed, won't cook. So there's a big market for ready meals and I get it. Already mashed potato? Not sure about that, because mashed potato is very easy to make very well, but again some people don't want to learn. Pre-grated cheese? Sorry, but you're just fucking lazy. Get back to me with your justification for preferring to hand over a ridiculous mark-up on the lowest quality cheese in the shop, and I'll call you a twat to your face.

It's in this vein of utterly nonsensical grocery produce that I introduce my latest find at Sainsbury's: pre-poured wine - for people who simply can't manage the effort of pouring it themselves:

I'm trying to create a scenario where I'd a) want to share a Tom Thumb-sized measure of wine with another person, and b) buy glassware that's intended to be disposable.

The only situation I can think of is either a picnic or while away camping, but in both cases you'd it'd be cheaper to buy a bottle of wine, it'd be more convenient to buy a wine you prefer of restricting your choice to just one Merlot, and you wouldn't want to be serving it up in glassware anyway. And even if you did, if you were prepared enough pack a picnic or a tent, you'd certainly be prepared enough to pack glasses.

I'm so angry I could punch a nun. What's the point? Please, somebody? What. Is. The. Point?


  • Davey
    Yeah we started selling these in work about a year ago. I reckon they'd be decent for times when you've forgotten glasses for a picnic. Just add more bottles to it - because who only drinks one glass of wine anyways?
  • Mike H.
    Ha, what next? Beer in a can! Shhhhhhit
  • Anon
    They don't come with a straw so I don't have to lift it to my mouth???????????? Bah!
  • Big D.
    Lovin' the hate filled ranting at useless products ! Keep it up (not to the point of having a stroke or heart attack mind you....)
  • Chillipuss
    "I’m so angry I could punch a nun. " Would that be a blue nun?
  • ungulator
    for when you're too drunk to pour
  • Reser
    They are for situations such as picnics, and pack glasses? I think most people would prefer these then risk arriving with broken glasses.
  • Bigger D.
    I am assuming that these are designed for those not in possession of opposable thumbs or the cognitive power to safely operate a cork screw? If you are considering purchasing this product, you should be aware that you should not mix alcohol with your medication!! What sort of retarded world are we living in? Well done inSainsbury's!!
  • Ows
    If you must "punch a nun", make sure you pick the right one. You definitely DO NOT want to punch a nunja.
  • Paul S.
    No. That wouldn't work at all. Don't worry, the mist has lifted. For now.
  • andy
    sainsburys' grated cheddar is actually cheaper than the same cheese that isn't grated and has been for a long time without either being on offer
  • In B.
    [...] I started this feature a couple of days ago with my diatribe against pre-poured wine, I was expecting my local supermarkets to provide the bulk of the material with their ludicrous [...]

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