Horse found in Nestle products, probably not in that Kit Kat you're eating though...

19 February 2013

Hurray! More on stupid horse meat and DNA! This time, Nestle have found whinnying jizz inside their food and have subsequently suspended all deliveries of all its products that include beef from a German.

They've also recalled Buitoni Beef Ravioli and Beef Tortellini for the same reason, which is terrible news for you Buitoni fans (namely, the Napoli side of the '80s).

"Our tests have found traces of horse DNA in two products made from beef supplied by H.J. Schypke," the statement said. "The levels found are above the one percent threshold the UK's Food Safety Agency uses to indicate likely adulteration or gross negligence."

Of course, there's absolutely nothing unsafe about eating horse DNA or it's stringy flesh, but that's not the point is it? Authorities still need to be notified and newspapers still need to vomit in disgust. And this horse meat scandal is doing a roaring trade, outraging the newsrooms of Britain, France, Sweden, Switzerland, Germany and Ireland. Odd that this is half a dozen countries that'll eat any ol' crap.

UK Environment Secretary Owen Paterson has some dull words: "I welcome the food businesses' commitment to testing their products. They all assured me that they will not rest until they have established the full picture. There is still much to be done to find out exactly how this happened and how it can be prevented from happening again, and to do everything possible to reassure consumers about the food on our shelves," before popping a saddle and stirrups on and getting a lackey to ride him around the Commons in heels.


  • JonB
    Surely it would be simpler to just stick labels on all meat products which state "May contain traces of horse DNA", stick a 10% discount on them and watch them fly off the shelves/ out of the refrigerators?
  • LancerVancer
    Soylent Green, anyone? Chill wit da weed.
  • Dick
    If I take a shit after eating a findus lasagne, will there be horse DNA in it?
  • boring b.
    Baby killers
  • Han S.
    Surely they should just sell proper horsemeat instead of mixing it with beef? I'd buy it
  • shiftynifty
    You have to smile when the iceland boss says 98% of our meat products contain meat....but will not mention what the other 2% was...true facto mundo...the ratner moment
  • chewbacca
    @JonB Like may others who post the same shit idea, you're spectacularly missing the point. The horsemeat may not be fit for human consumption for a multitude of reasons, you're not getting 100% prime dobbin here (or prime beef, but that's another story). You fucking moron.
  • Sicknote
    Behave, this is fuck all - for bloody years there cunts at Nestle embroiled in scandal about their shitty business practices. Just google Nestlé boycott and you'll see what I'm talking about.
  • chewbacca
    @Sicknote You've gone all political in your old age! Are you referring to the whole "Nestle is bad 'cos it promotes poor baby feeding practices in Africa"? If so, who gives a fuck? It's Africa, duh.
  • Bridget B.
    @Chewbacca It's not just Africa, it's also the practice of repeating 50 year old tests on animals to see if their frankly shit coffee irritates eyes when dripped into it. And getting the same results! Absolute scum bags and I wouldn't part with a penny for their complete range or products.
  • chewbacca
    @Rigid Playdoh I completely agree that animal testing is bad. Nestle should use convicted rapists/murderers etc (preferably non-indigenous ones) instead. Simples! Still, nobody gives a fuck about Africa. Not even Africa.

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