Crabs for sale - and not the kind you can make a nice soup with

14 May 2010

redcrab Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader ‘sprout’ we’ve been introduced to one of the most disturbing consumer offerings out there – from a packet of pubic lice that you can sneakily infest a cheating partner with. Mmm… classy.

It’s sort of like sea monkeys but with a devastating twist. Send off for a sachet of the crabs and surreptitiously smuggle them into the bed or even the undercrackers of your piece of shit boyfriend or girlfriend. Within days they’ll be riddled with lice and you’ll be laughing your way back to Singlesville having just downed a foaming tankard filled with essence of revenge.

Prices start at just £13.99 for a sachet of the bog-standard lice and rise to £34.99 for what the sellers describe as ‘Super Crabs', explaining that: "These crabs are almost impossible to get rid of and have been through over a year of selective lab breeding to be the most aggressive and most reproductive species on the planet!" Hurrah!

What’s the odds that before the end of the year, David Cameron and/or Nick Clegg are deploying these against each other?

UPDATE: We just tried to buy some pubic lice, er, purely for research, only to get an error message at the 'add to basket' stage. The same thing happens at a similar site, Which means that it's all a load of big fakey bollocks. Sorry folks.

It made you all think though didn't it? No? Oh...


  • F. F.
    I'll give them to you for free :)
  • Nobby
    So how long before you can get vials of aids infected blood?
  • F. F.
    I can do that too...
  • wander
  • The B.
    Wasn't this in The Metro yesterday?
  • JonnySpandex
    LOL nice!
  • Nader That's another funny one
  • Fatal E.
  • Peter R.
    Well done. I remember seeing this site years ago. I look forward to your upcoming review of the exciting new "social networking" site called "FriendsReunited"
  • Andy D.
    BITTERWALLET FAQ Q: How come you did that story just then? I saw it on the internet in 1985. A: It's because there's only three of us and we haven't had the time to read the whole of the internet yet. Plus we spend a lot of our spare time out and about, making dens, flying kites and kissing girls on their tuppences.
  • Avid B.
    Why is Mof not listed under Bitterwallet Team? Is it because he's a racist dickhead?
  • Andy D.
    BITTERWALLET FAQ Q: What are your views on Apple? A: Steve Jobs is great in bed, therefore I cannot dis any of his products.
  • wonky h.
    You never get crabs from foxes.
  • joanne
    I'm just hoping they'll move from selling crabs to buying crabs, some sort of "cash for crabs" scheme would work...I'd be quids in!
  • oliverreed
    @wonky henry specailly when bummed!
  • wonky h.
    oh ollie, you've made my day! Can you get anything from an Aibo?
  • naomi
    i have crabs if anyone would like to buy them i will sell some for £50 but wont sell them all as the bigger ones have become part of my family, i love them and talk to them at night they are my best friends!

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