Condoms don't fit right
Prophylactics... nodders... johnnies... sheaths... jimmyhats... whatever you call them, they can be a right pain in the cock.
They can split, they can stink, they can cause allergic reactions and most irritating of all, can be a real trial when trying to get one out of the packet without spoiling the mood.
However, seeing as babies are the shittest thing in the world, it's definitely worth the hassle. And what a hassle it is, because on top of all those earlier gripes, it turns out that the British dick simply isn't designed for the universal condom size.
And it's not great news either. We're not rupturing these rascals with massive schlongs. British men can't go around crowing about having a piece so big that it requires a knee in the middle of it.
See, according to the Sexually Transmitted Infections journal (possibly due an appearance on Have I Got News For You?) men are twice as likely to take the condom off midway through sex due to a poor fit... with an ill fitting cock-sock in danger of tearing or slipping off.
'Experts' reckon that we're not up to speed on the fact that condoms come in different shapes and sizes. 'Experts' haven't bargained for the humiliation of buying the ones that say 'tiddly todger' on.
Mercifully though, more and more men in Britain are buying condoms rather than relying on the Pill. In fact, in terms of contraception, these days the two are about even in use. Nice to know we're not a nation riddled with genital warts.
So anyway dear Bitterwallet reader... you probably have an insatiable sexual appetite, so buy your nodders from the internet and get ones that fit your cock properly. Feel free to use the comments section to talk about your massive members.