Commercial Break: Who really is Nigel Havers?

Today sees the birthday of that old smoothie himself, Nigel Havers, as he oozes into the start of his 59th year on Mother Earth.

As a tribute, here’s a 1980s ad for a then-TSB-less Lloyds Bank, starring oily Havers and lovely lady Jan ‘Phwooaar’ Francis. But what is Nige’s role here?

Is he a stalker? After all, he seems to know that the lovely lady used Lloyds Bank when she bought his house off of him. How does he know that? Why should he care?

Is he a simpleton? After all, he doesn’t know how a debit card works. The tit!

Is he a mugger? After all, he’s hanging around the lovely lady as she uses the cash machine. The creepy prick!

No, as he proves with the ad’s punchline, he’s none of those things. He’s actually a smug twat, a role that Havers has perfected over the years. Happy birthday you crispy greaseball!


  • The B.
    I'm Spartacus!
  • Pedant
    I'm Nigel Havers yes I'm the real Nigel Havers all you other Nigel Havers are just imitating so wont the real Nigel Havers please stand up please stand up please stand up
  • No m.
    He was on the Sarah Whatever thingy Doctor Who spinoff last week. He was gonna marry her, but was really dead. Bummer.
  • Fiyero
    Nigel Havers is 60 so entering his 61st year on Mother earth surely?
    • Andy D.
      Yesterday, Wikipedia said Nigel Havers would be 58 today, but today it's got him as being 60. There are some other sources that claim he was born in 1951, while some say 1949. If you're reading this Nige, drop us a line and clear it up mate.
  • CockFagFaceMonkeyEatsItOffYourChest
    Yet another bitterwallet FAIL. Can't even check their data before posting it.
  • CockFagFaceMonkeyEatsItOffYourChest
    Nothing to clear up. MY COUSIN NIGEL was born in 1949. Get it right you bunch of losing tossbags.
  • CockFagFaceMonkeyEatsItOffYourChest
    (I never said Havers)

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