Bow down before the miracle that is the Candwich

Yet again, Bitterwallet reports to you from the frontline of sandwich technology. Remember the first time you saw a sandwich being sold in sealed plastic packaging instead of merely being wrapped in greaseproof paper? Well mark today down in your diary as the day the sandwich world spun right off its axis.

Ask yourself how a sandwich could possibly be sold to you any fresher than it already is? The answer – put it in a can.


We speak, of course, about the Candwich, undoubtedly a major leap forward for humankind and their food consumption. When these eventually make it into the shops, we’ll be filling the Bitterwallet larder right up to the ceiling with these things, ahead of the imminent nuclear holocaust.

Sadly, there’s been a spot of bother in getting the Candwich from the brain to the shops, owing to the small matter of its inventor, Travis L. Wright (yes, American) being accused of defrauding real estate investors out of millions of dollars in order to fund his harebrained Candwich scheme.

But another company has stepped into the breach and it's been reported that these things will be in the shops of the United States of A shortly. Britain’s breath is baited…



  • The L.
    Ah but would anyone want to eat 6 month old sandwiches? I think there would be psychological issues about freshness here, even if the sandwich remained technically fresh and unmouldy.
  • Dave
    They look like shit sarnies too, I've seen better ones served on BA flights. Well, maybe in 1995 when they used to serve sarnies on BA flights, before they went all budget and that without actually lowering any prices or flying from regional airports.
  • Nobby
    Canned cheese burgers and dehydrated wine also appeared on Wossy a few years back ...!
  • The B.
    I don't even want to think about how many additives it has in it.
  • Hail B.
    [...] news from the sandwich technology sector for you now. Yesterday we brought you the revelatory Candwich – the sandwich in a can that is said to be hitting the shops later in the [...]
  • Jase
    I think the 'whole chicken in a can' article was the first time I ever visited Bitterwallet...Candwich reminds me of a slightly less disgusting version of that.
  • Joseph S.
    That looks like a great new product. It's much more efficient to pop open a can for lunch than having to waste time preparing a lunch or going out to grab a bite.
  • John S.
    I'm guessing that Joeseph Scandura has a vested interest in the product... I am of the opinion that no sane person would say those words without some kind of monetary incentive..
  • Wally B.
    On white bread? How unhealthy!
  • At B.
    [...] reported on the Candwich earlier in the year, but financial shenanigans threatened to rob us of this utopian future. Now it’s all being [...]
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