Bitterwallet's Christmas List: No. 5 - Concert Hands

16 September 2009

piano_handsIn the corner of Bitterwallet’s underground office stands a grand piano. It was probably left there by the late Liberace, who rented the office before us, and used it as a subterranean sex lair. But we digress.

None of us are what you’d call musical, but now and again, if the oxygen supply is working properly and there’s enough gin coursing through our veins, we’ll try and stab out a tune on the piano.

‘Stab’ is the operative word – it’s not a pretty sight or sound. It looks and sounds like a pissed baby elephant trying to scoop liquidised shit out of a music box. Not nice.

Last week we almost smashed the damned thing up, but we’re glad we didn’t. That’s because we’ve got our hearts set on Concert Hands.

With its combination of finger sleeves and wrist pilots, added to some futuristic software and a couple of tiny motors, strap on a pair of Concert Hands and you’ll soon be playing like Elton John, without the added unhappy and futile dream of adopting Ukrainian infants.

Maybe now the ghost of Liberace will put a stop to his angry visitations. It’s not easy to put a website together when you’re being teabagged by the spectre of one of the greatest pianists of all time…


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