Bitterwallet’s Christmas List: No. 18 – Celestial Soul Portrait

Iasos-afterWith Christmas coming, you've probably felt the stress of thinking up unique gifts for loved ones. You don't want to get them something shitty... you want something unique... something that tells them that they are special.

We're no different at Bitterwallet and we've narrowly avoided buying each other something utterly useless, like a DVD boxset or a card with a tenner in it because we've found the ultimate in gifts.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you The Celestial Soul Portraits, by Erial Ali.

What you do is, send a photograph of yourself to Erial. He'll then get in touch with you on the phone for a consultation and then he'll meditate for a while to "tune into you" and "get your unique Essence". Then, he'll magically transform your essence into a Celestial Soul Portrait of you! 'Magically', in this case, meaning 'MS Paint' and 'Photoshop Hatchet Job'.

He'll even print it out for you so you can hang it on the wall above your bed so it can stare at you like some meth-fuelled Glasto-casualty murderer.

Erial reckons: "My mission as an Artist and Storyteller is to help the emerging Planetary Civilization live in the light of Eternity..." for $150-a-pop mind you. This 'gift' don't come for fee, son. Anyway, it sounds like I'm being cynical and, well, I am. If you'd like to see how warped and vomit-inducing your soul looks like, click the link below. Be sure to enjoy the portrait of a man pissing about with a violin.

Click here to order your own picture of your soul crying.

[Spotted by Robyn]


  • Steve
  • Junkyard
    His friend Iasos has some impressive music too - I particularly like the sound of the track "I Passion You a Leap of Love-Flame" from the album "Inter-Dimensional Music".
  • The B.
    Turn-Around Time: about 1 month Wtf is he doing? Cut original photo - 5 minutes, bodge it up beyond all reasoning - 30 seconds, slap it on a new background - 10 seconds, a month? Seriously?
  • Chadwell
    Thanks - ordered. Heat and rep added!
  • Macca
    Isn't he the Greek Entrant for the Eurovision Song Contest? Sheesh! Demis Roussos eat your heart out.
  • Jack
    Haha what is this shit?!
  • Narcissus
    BW Why have you not added a picture to the post? This needs more exposure!
  • Guybrush T.
    That Iasos sure got on the wrong side of the Sith!
  • pauski
    @Guybrush Threepwood, if you look again - he has a magneto halo for protection, and I think he has used the Jedi temple auro to thwart the Sith attack..(simple level 5 displacement technique). So he should be OK.
  • Guybrush T.
    Oh yeah! … umm … but that's a BLUE lightsabre so there :p
  • charitynjw
    Prof Xavier, looks like we've got another X-man here.......................
  • Paintings B.
    [...] the ‘Celestial Soul Portraits‘ that were featured on these very pages? If you don’t and you’re not bright [...]

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