Bitterwallet’s Christmas List: No. 17 – Madame Tussauds waxwork

Seriously, unless you have seventeen metric fucktons of cash in the bank, stop reading this now. You, sir, simply cannot afford to have your own personal Madame Tussauds wax figure:

Bitterwallet - your own waxwork from Madame Tussauds

Because you'd had one, wouldn't you? Of course you would - the possibilities when in possession of your own doppelgänger are endless. You could try out outfits without looking ridiculous yourself, appear to enjoy family gatherings while you pop to the pub or snooze away the night with the good lady while enjoying some freestyle yankee doodle with the Scandanavian Queen of Scat.

"Surely one of the greatest marks of success, the thing that really sets you apart from the rest..."

Is appearing on the cover of TIME magazine? Or simply the satisfaction that your children are happy and well loved?

" getting a call from Madame Tussauds requesting your presence, so that they can immortalise you in wax."

Oh, and that, obviously.

"Although your figure will not actually be displayed in Madame Tussauds itself, the quality and detail of your figure is identical to those displayed in the attraction. You won't be restricted by opening hours and you can make like a VIP, and only invite your chosen visitors to admire your double."

Or you could simply paint your face green and scrawl "TWAT" across your forehead whenever you leave the house. A snip at £150,000. Get out.

Thanks to Bitterwallet reader Jenni, who informs us she has ordered four


  • Junkyard
    I would buy one, but what the cock would I do with 750,000 ipoints?
  • Brians U.
    It says "in stock" - Does this mean that these sneaky fuckers have a Wax model of everybody in the mainland UK, ready to be posted out to whoever wants to keep theirs? And if so is it possible to buy the wax work of the girl i am currently stalking??
  • Rt S.
    "Rapid delivery, orders before 3.30pm delivered the next day." What piffle! I tried to order several and was informed they are "Out of Stock".
  • Brian
    Hi, Brian here. My mother thinks you can use these as an emergency WAX candle, in case of electricity black-outs during a harsh winter.

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