Be afraid, citizen - how to market Dettol's new macGuffin

13 October 2010

It's fair to say that people don't die too often of household germs. Those who wipe raw chicken in their eyes deserve everything they get, but by and large most of us get through the day by applying basic common sense - washing our hands, practicing basic food hygiene and so on.

Trouble is, common sense doesn't sell cleaning products, and it certainly won't sell Dettol's no automatic soap dispenser. It's a "No-Touch Hand Wash System", another piece of crapola to clutter up your kitchen and bathroom that you really don't need. As always in such cases, Dettol needs to instill a heightened sense of fear in consumers by making talking about HARMFUL bacteria and germs, but as avid Bitterwallet reader Richard points out, their marketing appears to suffer a convoluted logic bypass:

Bitterwallet - Dettol No-Touch Hand Wash System

Worst. Strapline. Ever. Just so we're clear then: Dettol don't think you should use regular soap pumps, because if you do your hands will suddenly be crawling with germs - which their soap will immediately kill a fraction of a second later.

Of course, if you followed Dettol's logic through, they should really be offering automatic taps to prevent you touching them, too - have you ever thought about germs on your taps, people? Or maybe Dettol should sell antibacterial mittens that are stitched to your wrists to prevent you touching anything ever again. It's hats-off to the bullshit-baffles-brains marketeers once more.

23 comments

  • zacspeed
    And for that reason.......I'm oot.
  • mistersmee
    And never mind the taps, what about the door handle which is touched by the herberts who NEVER wash their hands?
  • RobS
    I'm waiting for Dettol to bring out one of these http://goo.gl/XSm2 only then will I feel truly safe
  • Bob
    Germy soap pump
  • The R.
    Bitterwallet really is a hate filled hell hole. This thing is about the only device the will encourage our children to wash their hands after blocking the sewer up, I think they are fantastic.
  • Daniel Z.
    Ain't you meant to touch the soap pump before you wash your hands...
  • PaulH
    @Daniel Z WHOOOOOSH!
  • will
    @ the nice BW reader - most children respond well to seeing how effective hand washing is at school using UV and dyes. forking out your hard earned cash on this backwards device is largely pointless.
  • Daniel Z.
    @PaulH All these years I've been walking out the toilet with dirty hands because I've been washing my hands first then touching the soap pump... I'm starting to understand why my life is what it is now... Bawwww
  • DragonChris
    Agree with BW - I thought the same when I first saw the advert: "Dettol don’t think you should use regular soap pumps, because if you do your hands will suddenly be crawling with germs – which their soap will immediately kill a fraction of a second later." *Thwaps Dettol*
  • Richard
    Is the logic that the kind of harmful bacteria that will be able to live on the pump of a soap dispenser are the kind of bacteria that are resisitant to dettols antibacterial qualities, therefore washing your hands with dettol after wont kill them and the only way not to get them is to not touch the pump in the first place? I must admit I thought exactly the same as this article the first time i saw the product but I guess the above is one possible explanation...
  • Mick T.
    heh, 'germy soap pump'
  • Alexis
    "Your soap pump can harbour hundreds of bacteria". What, you mean like virtually every other object in the world?
  • PokeHerPete
    Is 'germy soap pump' a euphemism?
  • Si
    I'm sick of the whole "must be totally clean" attitude these companies portray. If we disinfect absolutely everything then we will never be exposed to germs. If that is the case then how are we supposed to maintain our immune systems? Surely if the whole world is squeaky clean (which is what they seem to want) then our immune systems won't have anything to do, become suppressed/weakened. Then when we do encounter something a bit "germy" we'd be stuffed!??
  • Fuck S.
    Surely you wash your hands after touching the pump? Thus cleaning your hands of any germs transfered during pump touching?
  • Foxy L.
    @Si I know, I'll take a shit around your place, (in the bathroom, what do you think I am) and then without washing my hands cook you a nice meal.
  • Brad
    But what your all forgetting is the 0.01% of germs that Dettol cant kill, I for one welcome our new un killable Germ Overlords.
  • Pedant
    @ Foxy - some people pay for that kind of thing.
  • Numpty
    WFT? AM I DYSLEXIC?
  • Si
    @ Foxy. Who said anything about not washing your hands after a shit? I'm not anti-cleanliness, just anti-sensationalist-try-to-scare-the-crap-out-of-you-advertising! The "marketeers" are going to extraordinary lengths to "create the pain" to sell you cleaning products you don't need. Basic hygiene is just common sense.
  • Taciturn R.
    Actually, not ALL bacteria are pathogens. The vast majority are harmless. Why Dettol et al want to zap harmless micro-organisms is anyone's guess. Fact: Planet Earth would grind to a halt if 99% of bacteria were destroyed.
  • warwick h.
    And never mind the taps, what about the door handle which is touched by the herberts who NEVER wash their hands? aye spot on I use bog paper to open the doors on the way out - they should all swing both ways so you dont have to touch the handles just boot the door open.

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