Bannatyne's Valentine's offer fails to find love

13 February 2009

We predict a Scottish dragon who recently turned 60 getting all shouty and goggle-eyed at the employees of Bannatyne's health club in Peterborough when he sees this. Sent in by Bitterwallet reader J, this tempting and slightly pimpish email suggests you "Find a New Love this Valentines... by taking advantages of the benefits on offer."

"I didn't realise that 'finding love' was a benefit of joining Peterborough's premier health club," says J. "Dirty filthmongers, no wonder their monthly fees are so expensive - they need to cover the costs of all those happy endings."

If we were Mister Bannatyne, we'd be more angry that this was sent despite J explicitly asking to opt out of the mailing list, and because it appears to have been designed in 1994 on Microsoft Word by a boss-eyed man with ten thumbs:

Brand FAIL, offer FAIL and data control FAIL for Bannatynes. We're out.


  • Robin
    Oh good God. That is just dire. How could anyone think that was an acceptable way to market their business?
  • Chris H.
    mmm comic sans and word-art *drool*
  • Andy
    Wheres that asterix clause pointing to? :P No Joining Fee* *joining fee still there
  • Matt
    I go to this health club, the women are mostly mingers.
  • Joff
    @Andy It could be "No Joining Fee*" ..."*However you may get AIDS".
  • Paul
    Maybe "New Love" is referring to the love for the gym itself? Still, it does suck.
  • James
    I'm a member of one of their gyms, most of their internal marketing pieces (you know, buy 10 sunbed vouchers for £20, type offers), and they all look like they have been designed by a 5 year old!!
  • Evil G.
    "boss-eyed man with 10 thumbs" doesn't that sum up completly sum up the inbred inhabitants of Peterborough anyway?
  • PCWizardZ
    He probably does them himself. You know, look after the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves..LOL
  • Northern E.
    “boss-eyed man with 10 thumbs” doesn’t that sum up completly sum up the inbred inhabitants of Peterborough anyway? ____________________ its the only way london road gets its crowd, but they're mainly b*d's anyway- in the original meaning of the word.
  • Maatch
    Yes, no .. or maybe? I just can't decide my opinion.

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