Atheists show how to milk God botherers through the medium of kindness
Godless people are idiots. Not because they're Godless, but rather, they've failed to recognise that there's no money in merely slagging off religious types. Instead of pooh-poohing people for having imaginary friends they should be fleecing them for every penny they can get from their daft little heaven-bound cousins.
And that's what one group, called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets are doing with a service that vows to care for pets that have been left behind after Judgment Day.
Yessireebob, if you're one of the millions of Christian dopes who believe that the Rapture is imminent (no, not the Blondie song you dimwit) then you'll be wanting to know that your eternally damned pet is going to be okay as you ascend through the clouds like an errant, pious helium balloon.
If you believe in the Word Of The Bible, then a passage from 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 says that the Rapture prophecy posits that Jesus will return to Earth to gather his disciples for the good life in heaven with God, leaving behind those who have not met a standard of piety to face the rule of Satan. That'd be little Pickles there who curls up on your knee from time to time. It's off to hell to experience an eternity of unspeakable shit.
The Eternal Earth-Bound Pet lot say that each "representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you have received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus."
All Godly types have to do is stump $110 up front to have one pet taken care of should this whole shithouse go up in righteous flames within the next 10 years of payment. Each additional pet costs $15, and a 25 percent discount is offered when customers sign up again after the first term of coverage expires.
Is it cruel to sell a service based on something that you don't believe will ever happen?
"Essentially, that's what most insurance companies do," said Jennifer Fisher, adjunct professor of ethics at the University of San Francisco. "Premiums are based on the likelihood that the company will have to pay out money for claims."
Hahahaha! Ten meaningless points (and potentially bagfuls of holy cash) to the first Bitterwallet reader to start up the UK equivalent.