5 free vuvuzela iPhone apps - a no-nonsense consumer review
What do you get when you cross the world's most infuriating instrument, the planet's greatest football tournament, a bunch of coders hellbent on getting rich from ad-supported apps and the jumble sale that is the iTunes App Store?
Vuvuzela app heaven, that's what!
There are now over a dozen vuvuzela apps available in the app store, and more are piling in. Five of them are free, but which is the best, or indeed, the worst?
As a hard-hitting consumer website, we wanted the views of an experienced telecommunications expert, somebody who had insight into the sound and quality of the products on offer, so we've recruited former BT mascot Buzby to pass judgment on the apps.
They say: "Warning! A Vuvuzela has a very annoying sound! Choose a colour and press on the horn to make the sound!"
We say: Unimpressed. There are ten shirts to choose from, but pressing them only changes the colour of the instrument, not the sound of it.
The buzz from Buzby: "Christ almighty, it's as entertaining as setting your hands on fire. Only one out of five from me, cocker."
Vuvuzela Championship Free
They say: "Vuvuzela - design with real country flag textures!"
We say: There's slightly more to this app than the previous offering; the user chooses their country and then blows into the mic; by doing so the fans chant louder. There's a two player version too, if you're a complete fucking idiot.
The buzz from Buzby: "If they wanted to get an old bird blowing their horn, they should have gone to Hull for the day. I haven't got the strength, mate. Two out of five from me."
They say: "Can't make it to South Africa for the World Cup? Bring the thrill of the stadium straight to your living room with Pocket Vuvuzela for iPhone."
We say: This app will in no way bring the thrill of the World Cup to your living room. Similar functionality to Vuvuzela 2010, but with better graphics and four authentic ear-offending sounds to choose from, although they're a little too quiet.
The buzz from Buzby: "Bleeding hell, more horns. One funny horn noise out of four, does not an app make. Two out of five. Now piss off out me sight."
They say: "Tap or shake your iPhone to unleash a vuvuzela horn noise that will inspire your team and frustrate your rivals."
We say: So that's why England were useless against the USA - not enough of you were 'inspiring' them with this app. Shame on you. This guy hasn't enough air in his lungs for breathing, never mind blow a musical instrument. Pretty much the same deal as the first app we reviewed.
The buzz from Buzby: "Is that what you brought me in to do? My agent said I'd get a rack at some telly work. One of out five. Best I can do."
Annoying Football Horns: Vuvuzela edition
They say: "AS FEATURED ON THE BBC."
We say: We tried pressing the four horn buttons but nothing happened. Hilarity did not ensue.
The buzz from Buzby: "Fuck this for a game of soldiers. I'm off. Zero out of five."