4 ways to make money from your body during a recession
If the loft and garage are looking bare, if you've run out of crap to flog at car boot sales and on eBay, then there's nothing left for it; you're going to have to sell your body. But which part of it? And how?
Take part in a medical trial
Sticking needles in a rat's arse isn't always the best way to test new medicines. So human guinea pigs are needed for injecting, dousing, swallowing and excreting all manner of substances unapproved by the medical community. There are different types of trials - treatment, diagnostic, prevention, observational - all requiring various levels of study and commitment.
How much can you make by taking part? According to one clincial trial website, some may require you to visit a clinic for an hour or two, other might require an overnight stay or a fortnight away from home; consequently the amount a volunteer will receive can vary from as little as £20 to well over £2,000. But will you die? Probably not says the website, suggesting that serious side-effects are very rare, and that the risk "may be much less than the risk of an accident when driving a car". Trials follow a strict ethical code, at least most of the time at least. Er.
Find a Sugar Daddy
With online dating, there's no guarantee you'll meet some loaded old duffer who'll pop their clogs and leave you the country estate. Until now, that is. Welcome to SugarDaddyForMe, the website that introduces firm bodied nymphettes to rich tycoons. Or broke young geezers to well-to-do cougars. Or any other combination you can think of.
After intensive research this morning, we have to conclude it's the real deal, so we'll soon be hooking up with fluffy feet in Newcastle and giving you poor suckers the finger from the yacht.
Be a life model
It's not dubious, it's art for crying out loud! You get to strip bollock naked and show off your special places, and a bunch a strangers are forced to stare at them. For hours. Brilliant. If you're packing some serious lifting gear, you'll probably get a date out of it too. Regardless, expect to be paid between £6 - £10 an hour for staring at a wall and thinking about football. Or monkey babies. Give your local college a call to see if they're interested.
Become a male escort
We're not suggesting prostitution here, of course not. We men don't have to park our pork sword in undesirables to make a little extra. We're talking about dinner parties and business functions, that sort of thing. All you need is a website, a mobile phone and some reasonably well lit photographs. Take John, for example. Not only does he look like a respectable chap, but he's a dating and relationship life coach, and coaches tennis part-time. He might offer to "pamper and indulge you with some TLC, relax you with a deep massage or some soothing aromatherapy", but he's also all about "good food, wine and conversation".
He also makes a bloody packet - at £90 an hour and £1290 for the weekend, it pisses all over life modelling, although that serivce isn't specifically mentioned. That said, John's offering a 50% reduction on all rates for any new client booking made before 14th June "due to the current financial climate", so maybe business isn't that great after all.