We say new "smart meters" aren't smart enough
Coming to our homes by 2020… smart meters! Newfangled gas and electricity meters that will send real-time information to our utility suppliers, eradicate estimated bills and put millions of meter readers out of work forever. Everyone wins – except for the meter readers obviously.
Who will pay for these futuristic meters? Why, surely the cost will be covered by the money saved through no longer needing meter readers, won’t it? Probably not – it’ll be sneakily added on to our bills. For all we know, it already is.
But come on, 2020 – smart meters? Is that as good as the future is going to get? Here’s what we want, nay DEMAND from our utility suppliers by 2020…
- A meter than can give us detailed print-outs of which of our appliances are sucking up the most juice, allowing us to cut down on use of said appliances and save cash. Preferably it’ll be able to speak, like the car from Knight Rider.
- The ability to see electricity. If I switch on my wall socket but don’t put a plug in it, I want harmless, kaleidoscopic-coloured electricity to come shooting out.
- Cheaper, recycled gas. Don’t know how they’ll pull that one off, but to be perfectly frank, it’s not my problem is it?
- Gas, electricity, water and… raisins. You know that craving you sometimes get for raisins and there’s never any in the house? Yeah, that. We want raisin taps you bastards.
- Portable utilities – the ability to take your own household gas and electricity on the road with you, so that you don’t have to use some as supplied by a unknown third party. Kind of like taking tea bags away on a Spanish holiday.