HotUKDeals Of The Day - Wednesday 19th November
There’s just one question on everyone’s lips today – “When will the pirates come and get me and all of my stuff?” They’re all over the news at the moment and making all of us feel unsafe in our yachts, tugs and dinghies.
But you don’t have to be a victim. Use the following tips, produced in association with the seafaring good guys from HotUKDeals, and you can avoid having your booty ransacked in the most horrifying way imaginable.
TIP ONE: Under no circumstances should you buy anything from the current Vodafone McLaren merchandise sale. If pirates sail by and see you sporting some of the authentic F1 gear, you might be mistaken for Lewis Hamilton or Ron Dennis. Within seconds, your vessel will have been stormed and you’ll be on the business end of a good, hard pillaging. Not nice.
(Deal found by iahonor)
TIP TWO: Invest in a triple-tier steamer, now available at a super-affordable £6.99 if you follow the instructions here. Healthy eating is way down the average pirate’s list of priorities, somewhere around about getting their tax returns in on time and limiting their carbon footprint. If they catch sight of you scoffing your tasty steam-cooked meal on the poop deck, they’ll *about-turn port and starboard and head off in the opposite direction – Dogger, FitzRoy and South Utsire, possibly.
(Deal found by starlight)
(*We think that’s accurate nautical talk. Feel free to correct us if it isn’t)
TIP THREE: Get off your boat and get into the car instead. Asda have just announced some monster petrol price cuts and some small, twatty disesel ones as well. You’ll find that there’s very few pirates on the roads these days. Just half-wits, morons, the pig ignorant and the drunk and drugged. Take care out there bargain hunters!
(Deal found by garbage456)