Baby On Board stickers will probably kill your baby

baby on boardNo-one likes children, thanks to clucking parents flooding various timelines with their snotty little hooting drunks sat in a variety of poses that you've seen every other stupid child sat in since time began.

Such is the growing level of hatred for children, it isn't at all surprising to hear that one-in-twenty accidents are caused by those Baby On Board signs you see in the backs of various grubby estate cars.

One can only assume that increasingly irritated drivers are trying ram Mumsnet sorts off the road in the hope that all inside the vehicle die in an inferno at the side of the road.

Or maybe it isn't that at all. have been looking into it and have decided that the problem with these things is that they can obscure a driver's vision through the rear window.

"Motorists need to ensure that their view is not obscured and that they have a clear view of the road around them at all times," said a Department for Transport spokesman, interestingly.

The findings suggest that as many as two million accidents are caused by these bloody signs, but the AA aren't having that. Andrew Howard, AA's head of road safety, says: "There are 150,000 injury accidents a year and about 10 times as many metal to metal crunches. According to the Government’s own figures, in car distraction is responsible for about three per cent, with vehicle blind spots for another two per cent on top of that."

"The baby on board signs are there to alert the emergency services that there is a child in the car in the event of an accident. Motorists should, of course, put stickers in a windscreen where it doesn't interfere with your view."

So there you have it. If you're childless, get yourself a Baby On Board sticker so that people will give you room on the road AND the emergency services will save your life quicker. That's if another driver doesn't shunt you into a ditch for being a condomless goon.


  • Sawyer
    How about blind spots on the windscreen due to people placing satnavs slap bang in the centre? Would have thought they're a bigger problem, especially as all drivers look through their windscreens whereas quite a few don't bother using mirrors at all.
  • tin
    Also baby on board stickers are not to alert the emergency services at all. The presence of a baby seat will do that enough if they happen to miss it. The baby on board stickers are for the people who are of the misguided belief it will make the people behind them drive more safely. As if someone who's already driving like a nob'ed will take any notice.
  • Bedtime B.
    Did the AA's Head of Road Safety actually spout that silage about these bloody signs being there to aid emergency services? That must be why they're a compulsory safety feature and are only available by the tills in dilapidated, understaffed shops primarily utilised by the underbelly of society and only bought on an impulse by dickheads, either so intellectually backwards they genuinely process the concept as a safety feature or consider it tit rubbingly hilarious, or are so wrapped up in their own self importance because of social media wankery and crappy celebrity culture they think people give a flying fuck about every single shitty aspect of their shitty little lives. And I suppose these perfect parents remove them every time they use the vehicle without the kids, so they don't waste paramedic time searching frantically in the twisted metal wreckages for non-existent toddlers? And why they're available in the tackiest, most garish designs, to assist speedy recognition; some talentlessly scribbled charaterture with sunglasses, "Cool dude on board", or a pink and glittering "Princess on board" superimposed over a stubby castle. And why there are universally available and well publicised statistics clearly showing that drivers displaying these bastard badges are immune to car accidents. I've got a good one for Andrew, "gaping cunt brain at the wheel". They're twat banners, plain and simple, and would frankly be the ideal "lottery ticket" for deciding who deserves culling when the population reaches breaking point and action needs to be taken.
  • Bedtime B.
    I mean Andrew Howard at the end, by the way, not Andy Dawson.
  • Clunge
    Well said Bertie, but can we extend the entrants into your lottery to also include the supreme fannies that buy those keyrings/stickers that they sell in Halfords which attempt to turn your name into a personalised number plate? Because last time I checked on DVLA, there was absolutely no format, past or present, which could include such atrocities as 'P4M EL4', 'C4TH 3RIN3' or 'D4D5 T4XI'. Sticking that on the back windscreen of your X-reg Clio doesn't make you look like you're loaded and can afford a great private makes you look like the complete and utter fucktard that you are.
  • Numpty D.
    Cant argue with any of these comments for once. And particularly like Berties rant.
  • LancerVancer
    I like to take the time to crash into them as quickly as possible. So you have a baby on board? I have 10 kilos of weed on board but you don't see me with a fucking sticker telling everyone!! Couldn't agree with Bertie and Clunge more. (Bertie and Clunge sounds like a shite 70's cop show that only ran for 4 episodes) Time to Chillax wit da herb!!
  • Monkey T.
    Bedtime Bertie should be immediately given a job at Bitterwallet. Really funny, clever and grammatically correct. Ah, guess the last one rules him out. And the first one. And the second one too.
  • bev
    You're all a bunch of whiney old sooks, get a life.

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