The password is dying, long live fingerprints!

It is so tedious trying to remember that one password you use on all your email and social networking accounts isn't it? Is it 'password' or 'abc123'? Well, fear not because soon, passwords will be a thing of the past and it'll be your fingerprints doing all the work.

Although, some of you lot are so dim you'll probably forget your fingerprints and end up haplessly jabbing at your tablets with your damp genitals.

New technology will not just include fingerprint technology, but also, voice and facial recognition as passwords are now seen as something of an old-fashioned security risk.

Apple will apparently be using fingerprint technology (which will no doubt send the Daily Mail into meltdown, suggesting that tech companies are ready to steal the tips of our fingers from us) and Android phones will be using voice recognition, iris scanners, behavioural biometrics and heartbeat reading.

Michael Barratt, head of security at PayPal, said: "It’s a case of looking beyond passwords and the best alternatives are provided by smartphones. The general view is that Apple will launch a fingerprint-enabled iPhone before the end of the year."

"The Android handset market intends to stay competitive so it’s highly likely there will be fingerprint and voice identification- enabled devices from them too in the near future."

Total Recall for all!


  • Justin A.
    So who really wants their fingerprints, a unique form of identification, storing on an electronic device and perhaps accessible by those behind the tech, and therefore hackable and open to being stolen? I can change my password, but fingerprints are for life unless I mutilate my hands.
  • Meek
    What about for people who have no arms, cleverdick.
  • Her L.
    A fingerprint-enabled smartphone - you mean like my Motorola Atrix? The fingerprint reader works well enough but it's a feature soon disabled after the novelty wears off. What happens when you're away from the device but need to give someone else access? Instead of sharing your pin to unlock, you now have to cut off your fingertip, put it on ice and UPS it to your friend with your phone. Hardly convenient.
  • Nattty
    I have a 6 year old Toshiba laptop that has fingerprint reader hardware and software, still need a password in case hardware or software goes tits up.
  • Captain W.
    Bagsy(puss) not use the fingerprint reader after Joey
  • Adam
    Have you ever had one of those days when you've logged in from a remote location, and all of a sudden google asks you to insert the phone verification code they just texted you? At that moment, you just remembered that you bought a new phone 3 days ago and don't have access to the old phone or messages anymore. You somehow backtrack in your mind a method where you can call the phone service provider, retrieve new text messages from the old number, and login to your google email. Wait, doesn't all of this seem a bit stupid? Yes, it truly is. Human failure is still the #1 reason for password failure and network breaches. It's clear that we're moving beyond 2-factor authentication and toward more intelligent systems of identity management. This is a hysterical look into the future of passwords, I appreciate your post Mr. Mof Gimmers!
  • Mike O.
    I read part of paragraph three as "voice and faecal recognition" talk about "logging" in.
  • JonB
    Get rid of passwords in favour of fingerprint scans? Not when this sort of thing happens:

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