The necklace that says "I can't be bothered to come and see you but I just thought about you there for a second or two."

Do you have an aged relative who is glumly seeing out their final days in a drab, depressing nursing home, bereft of dignity or in fact any real quality of life?

Do you find it hard to visit them, either because they’re too far away, or because going there makes you miserable or just because you enjoy spending your spare time watching DVDs or playing online poker instead?

If so, this could be the gizmo for you (once they’ve made it) – digital jewellery. Researchers at Newcastle University are developing a range of jewellery that could communicate with other similar pieces from miles away.

The concept is simple – when you’re thinking about your dear old auntie, just stroke the bracelet you wear in the comfort of your own home. Meanwhile, in her urine-soaked bed, your auntie's bracelet will gently vibrate, letting her know that you’re thinking about her.

Isn’t that great? Now you can completely ignore your ailing relative with a clear conscience. You absolute and utter howling shitehawk.



  • Guv
    I wonder if they will expand this to jewellery for "intimate" piercings?
  • MattS
    Hmm, perhaps the same technology could be used for couples sex toys...
  • Randy M.
    hahaha @ matts & Guv.
  • Rob
    probably kill her if you had a hand shandy then ;)
  • Honky S.
    Oi - that's my granny!!
  • Richard
    If this was supposed to be funny you failed. Must you write such vulgar things and in such bad taste? This is the last time I shall be reading this blog.
  • tom
    Ouch the article was a bit cutting. I know it was done on the right side of humour, but seems a little harsh. I think people that leave their parents in such places are complete and utter fags. Its a national disgrace.
  • David H.
    Richard, I think this is very funny indeed. I take great care of my elderly Mother who lives in my house with me and my familyy. Yours? No wonder you are so deeply offended
  • Clapton A.
    Tom, please note: I am a complete and utter fag and my elderly parents are very well looked after, thank you very much. I am an absolute and utter howling shitehawk for quite different reasons.
  • Mike H.
    I'd give her a pearl necklace
  • 1
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