The necklace that says "I can't be bothered to come and see you but I just thought about you there for a second or two."
Do you have an aged relative who is glumly seeing out their final days in a drab, depressing nursing home, bereft of dignity or in fact any real quality of life?
Do you find it hard to visit them, either because they’re too far away, or because going there makes you miserable or just because you enjoy spending your spare time watching DVDs or playing online poker instead?
If so, this could be the gizmo for you (once they’ve made it) – digital jewellery. Researchers at Newcastle University are developing a range of jewellery that could communicate with other similar pieces from miles away.
The concept is simple – when you’re thinking about your dear old auntie, just stroke the bracelet you wear in the comfort of your own home. Meanwhile, in her urine-soaked bed, your auntie's bracelet will gently vibrate, letting her know that you’re thinking about her.
Isn’t that great? Now you can completely ignore your ailing relative with a clear conscience. You absolute and utter howling shitehawk.