Everything Everywhere plan 'new creative concept in communications retailing'

everything everywhereEverything Everywhere, the thing you get when you mix Orange and T-Mobile networks in a conceptual pot, are going to open five "new creative concept in communications retailing".

You might know them as 'shops'.

These bullshit factories will sell contracts and phones as well as providing free mobile charging and Wi-Fi to all and sundry. Of course, anyone idly wandering in will be pounced upon by highly trained staff, all desperate for a sale.

It won't just be some squirt with a crap haircut, reeking of Hugo Boss and Lynx Africa trying to flog you stuff. There'll also be "an interactive video screen" so the staff can focus on maintaining the "Unique interactive 'inspire, excite and educate' experience created to engage consumers".

Jesus Christ.

These berks are saying 'Hey guys! It's not just for Everything Everywhere customers! Gosh no! All are welcome! Why don't you just come hang out with us guys? We're really cool! Hey! Is that The Florence and the Roundabout you're listening to? I love those guys!'

Altrincham will be the town unlucky enough to have the first store foisted upon it on 18th February. Places called Bishops Stortford, Eltham, Lowestoft and Evesham will have these conceptual wank bubbles opening up the following month.



  • Marketing W.
    Seen those TV ads showing what cr-razy things those cr-razy dudes at Comet get up to? Ever tried suggesting to the staff that they, or you, actually do any of those things? It'll be the same story at these places. "If you want to buy something, gimme your money. If not, you can piss right off".
  • Idi A.
    I'm excited already.
  • Chris P.
    Have you not got sick of writing articles in this childishly wank and unfunny style by now?
  • Tweedskin
    @ Chris Peacock I quite like the childishly wank and unfunny style, which is why i read the site. If you don't like it, there are a billion other websites and comment boards for you to troll, now fuck off. A store in Eltham?! I give it three days before someone nicks their interactive video screens.
  • Darren
    Altrincham??? are they serious??? its the retail disaster area of the century!!, its as if some marketing guru has come up with this, thinking in the back of his mind "the board wont by this sh*t!!"..... AND they have, Oh crap, where can i put this shop and make it fail... I know, ALTRINCHAM.. Altrincham is like gods waiting room, its over run with blue rinse, when T-Mobile opened the pink shop it got complaints, HMV opened in December there, that's gone now... its the only place I know with a bloody model train shop and stamp collectors shop... Altrincham, the retail disaster of Cheshire.
  • Richard M.
    Love your site and find it both fascinating and interesting - it certainly cheers up a coffee or lunch break! However, was concerned to see the Lord's name being used as some sort of punctuation between paragraphs in this particular article.

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