85% of children don't have parental controls on their mobile... so worry about that then.

"Talk dirty to me y'bugger and I'll tell you about my wobbly tooth", yesterday

Four out of every five children (85 percent) don't have parental controls activated on their mobile phones, says the Carphone Warehouse. This means they're probably talking sexy to some other kid right now. A kid who has a crusty wax-candle under their nose and a room full of skiddy undercrackers.

Research by the retailer, conducted by YouGov, revealed that those who hadn't activated the control, 46 percent thought it wasn't necessary and 40 percent confessed that they didn't even know such a function existed.

Nearly half of the parents (48 percent) spoken to didn't believe it was possible for their offspring to download filth on their handset, while just 21 percent said they know everything that their child does on their mobile phone.

Yeah right.

"Online risks to children are as prevalent when they access the internet via their mobile phone as when they access it via their PC or laptop," said Professor Tanya Byron, the government's internet safety advisor.

"The recent influx of smartphones to the market means these are no longer just for business, but accessible to a much wider proportion of the market... including children. We need to apply everything that we've learnt through our research so far and make sure the same understanding, precautions and restrictions are applied to children using mobile phones to guarantee their online safety."

And funnily enough, the Carphone Warehouse is here to save the day. They're offering a free booklet which can be picked up in one of their stores. When you get their, you'll be pounced upon by a predatory salesman who will try to convince you to shop with them from now on. Where's the bloody booklet safeguarding us from that lot, eh?

"We know how seriously parents take internet safety when it comes to the home computer. However, the idea of mobile web safety is still a relatively new concept for many," said Andrew Harrison, CEO of The Carphone Warehouse. "Parents need to be savvy to children's usage in order to avoid possible dangers."

So, parents, when you get in, swipe your child's phone the second you step through the door and then take your child to the bathroom and bleach its brain. It's the only way.



  • qwertyuiop
    Or better still, STOP SPENDING HUNDREDS OF FUCKING QUID ON THE LATEST HANDSET! Seriously, you want them to have mobiles, give them your nokia brick handmedown from 1992 - they get to make and receive calls, yet at the same time you stop them from posting 'walking home from school by myself, hope I don't get raped by a paedo LOL' on their facebook pages.
  • qwertyuiop
    Also, you've used the incorrect instance of 'there' in your 6th paragraph. Cue insta-edit just to make me look foolish and you slightly less so, although your star wars like name will never erradicate that completely from happening.
  • DragonChris
    Agreed with qwerty. Seriously. The apparent number of kids with iPhones etc these days is ridiculous.
  • Mr M.
    4 out of 5 is not 85%.
  • The B.
    My sister was on holiday in Florida recently and my niece was spouting the usual tripe on Facebook, so I warned my sister it'd be costing her a fortune in data roaming charges, to which the response was "it's alright we've got wireless in the house we're renting". 2 weeks after they get back in comes the huge data roaming bill, apparently no one realised that you a) had to set up the wireless connection b) had to turn off roaming. Thankfully I obviously came from that particular gene pool before it got polluted.
  • The B.
    Does anyone else get fed up with "Your comment is awaiting moderation." when there's nothing wrong with the comment, no swears, no unpleasantness, just relating a story.
  • Andy D.
    @Bob! Or they don't even post and your comment comes back with blank.
  • RimJogger2000
    I don't know why the bother with the moderation hassle as they still let you say 'pissflaps' and 'throatyoghurt'. I guess it's just to stop them getting sued in case somebody says Jeve Stobs is an Aids-ridden control-freak.

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