God VS Wonga

25 July 2013

As it says in the Old Testament ‘And Lo, God did smite Wonga for lending Him a tenner at 290,000% APR and condemned them to burn in Hell.’

bishop

So, true to God’s word, The Archbishop of Canterbury, wearing a cape and his pants outside his trousers, vowed that the church would smash these unscrupulous agents of the devil and ‘compete’ them out of business using the power of THE LORD.

The Most Rev Justin Welby has met with the head of Wonga, Errol Damelin, to tell him that the church would be setting up a credit union in direct competition with the payday lenders. The plan is to create credit unions that are ‘better engaged with communities’.

The Archbishop explained. "I said to him quite bluntly that 'we're not in the business of trying to legislate you out of existence; we're trying to compete you out of existence. He’s a businessman, so he took that quite well.’

The Archbishop has already launched a credit union within the clergy, and plans to take the idea to communities by approaching some of the UK’s 500 independent credit unions and allowing them to use church owned premises for free.

All I know is, if it's not called 'Pennies from Heaven', I'm having nothing to do with it.

TOPICS:   Investments   Debt   Loans

15 comments

  • Alexis
    What happens if a person doesn't pay? Does Christianity allow threatening letters and phone calls?
  • Zeddy
    The Archbishop has already launched a credit union within the clergy, and plans to take the idea to communities by approaching some of the UK’s 500 independent credit unions and allowing them to use church owned premises for free where applicants must sit in on a service and listen to the hard sell on Christianity*. *Other religions are available
  • Whisky
    Alexis in that case all you would need is some feathers, a dress, some oil, an easel, some sleeping draught, lots of paper, a prostitute and the best portrait painter in England.
  • Leonardo A.
    I'm in!
  • jim
    lol @Whisky nice one man
  • Mike O.
    @Alexis , surely you'd just ask for forgiveness?
  • Bendy
    @Mike Oxsore, no as part of some cross-faith EU finance scheme they're using The Spanish Inquisition to extract the monies outstanding. No one would expect that...
  • badger
    Maybe Wonga should retaliate by launching their own new improved God.
  • Big M.
    There is more joy in heaven when one missed payer repents than 99 that don't have to. Wonder why the Jews aren't dishing out the cash too.
  • Dick
    You only need to hand your children over to a friendly vicar/priest for collateral.
  • fibbingarchie
    These credit unions will implode if they seriously try to compete. Wonga and the rest, charge high interest rates to cover the risk of quick lending to the 'sub-prime market' and the high default rates. If these credit unions try to offer loans to these same people at much lower interest rates they'll get hammered by defaulters. It makes a good story for the church though.
  • Sporky M.
    [The Archbishop of Canterbury is understood to be "furious" after the Church of England confirmed it invests indirectly in online lender Wonga.] Be Sure Your Sin Will Find You Out
  • shiftynifty
    Fair play for the church sticking to Wonga (other pay day loan companies are available)
  • fibbingarchie
    In light of the recent information about the church having an investment inWonga, it makes the Archbishop look a bit like a bell end and no mistake.
  • Andy C.
    Is it true that the Church are now sponsoring Newcastle United?

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