You know what you need? A scarf that'll give you busters!
Many men have said: "If I had tits, I'd never leave the house."
Well, what happens if you had the chance to have a pair of waps AND the ability to stay warm outside? That's a stupid notion isn't it? I mean, who cares right?
Well, you can, mystifyingly, buy a scarf that acts as a pair of knockers for anyone who would want to have some false tits on the outside of their coat.
It's all for a good cause mind, with 10% of sales will go to the Humane Society to help needy animals. It would've made more sense if it went to a breast cancer charity or something.
So if you fancy attracting the odd sexual assault, you can buy some on Etsy here. I know it's just a bit of fun, but sharing in the joy would be seen as a sign of weakness to those that own and run this site and they'd thrash me with the birch.