Website dresses you, just like your mother used to
Breathing requires so much effort and thought, it's surprising most Americans manage to keep it up for longer than a minute or two before getting distracted by the smell of French toast and twice-fried chicken. Combine this apathy with the lacklustre approach taken by gentlemen to buying new clothes, and you have a business idea fit for the unfit and downright lazy bastards of America.
Welcome to OutfitEZ, a website that selects your wardrobe for you, and delivers it every three months. The service offers to "provide a systematic way to build up a coordinated wardrobe effortlessly. It completely changes the way you buy clothes. No hassle. No trips to the mall. No need to understand the difference between herringbone and twill." All you herringbone / twill confusers out there, your salvation is here.
All you have to do is register, submit your measurements and match your style to the available profiles. As you can see, I'm a Cool Nights sort of chap myself:
There are three levels of membership - basics (one coordinated seasonal outfit, plus basic items to "refresh your wardrobe"), regular (trousers and shirts with belts and ties to compliment) and full, which costs around £100 per month ("it provides the opportunity to include items such as sport jackets"). If you're an American gent, bone idle and keen to appear permanently dressed by your Jewish mother, this is the service for you.