Toys R Us: Aww! Honey! Let's buy her first Ouija board!

28 January 2010

Ever wondered how to get your darling little daughter to talk to the dead like that little kid from Sixth Sense? There's no easy way to broach the subject of black magick and table tapping is there?

Toffee Crisp tried to make it more accessible by asking "Are you there Sidney?" but it never really took off, with the world's children preferring to investigate tooth decay rather than contact floating cadavers.

Well, mercifully for you weirdos, help is at hand as Toys R Us are selling Ouija boards. And look! This one comes in a lovely pink for your little bundle of joy and XX chromosomes.

Yessir, this cuddly pink Ouija board is aimed at girls aged 8-14 years and states: 'Ask the questions girls want to know.'

The advertising copy says "Pink OUIJA Board predicts the future... Who will call you next? Will you be famous? Who wants to trade places with you? All these questions and more can be answered with the mystifying OUIJA Board"

It also comes with a pink carrying case with storage pockets so your wonderfully innocent child can "take the OUIJA Board over to your friend's house... so you can play anytime."

Religious types are going to go fucking mental over this aren't they? In fact, science types will be equally miffed, but may well find amusement that spiritual charlatanism is now reduced to that of 'toy'.

Just think, whilst you're watching the TV... hearing the blood curdling cry of little Jemima as she gets in contact with your dead Aunt... imagine the fun you'll have as a parent as you find yourself wringing the bedsheets out after your wickle daughter has pissed the bed for the 3,000th night running... imagine the day when you all look back and giggle on the time your child spent an entire year with a haunted look on her face and tried to end her life by flinging herself out of a window because 'a ghost told her to'.

Is this the most disturbing toy in history? Well done Hasbro. Well done you.


TOPICS:   High Street News


  • Bob
    The Ouija Boards was originally a normal parlour game. The family would gather around and play on a Sunday afternoon. It's only recently that it got a bad press when some people decided they could contact the dead with them, which is rubbish of course. It's a harmless board game that's been around for decades. The pink Toys R Us version isn't anything unusual.
  • maxtweenie
    @ Bob. Yes, I saw that episode of QI too.
  • Carlos J.
    The pink version will only let you talk to happy, fluffy spirit :( I'm waiting for the Black version to come out :)
  • Party P.
    'Is this the most disturbing toy in history? Well done Hasbro. Well done you.' Well, as stated above, it's always been a board game, everything from the name to the layout to the way it's played were invented for children to play. Just because it's been taken over by occult nonsense, mainly in films, doesnt change what it is; it's no different that monopoly, and is nothing to d owith contacting spirits - it's a psychological experiment, as it was designed to be.
  • Sceptic
    Maybe not the worst toy ever. Can you picture little Jonny inflating his wolverine punchbag...
  • Mof Gimmers EDITOR
    Here's an alternative article for those not liking the above, so you can have the best of both worlds: Hasbro release completely harmless board game. The end.
  • Nobby
    Surely everyone knows the only toy that accurately predicts the future is the 8-ball (as featured on TV in The Simpsons).
  • Jerome
    "may well find amusement that spiritual charlatanism is now reduced to that of ‘toy’" To what of toy? "Is this the most disturbing toy in history?" No, you're forgetting Barney.
  • Bo
    Do some research before you post cr*p
  • Sideysid
    This has got to be up there with the worst
  • Chung C.
    I like the layout of your blog and I'm going to do the same thing for mine. Do you have any tips? Please PM ME on yahoo @ AmandaLovesYou702
  • Terri B.
    If this is a game, how do you know if you've won?
  • angels
    You're actually a good webmaster. The website loading speed is amazing. It sort of feels that you are doing any unique trick. Also, The contents are masterpiece. you've performed a fantastic activity on this topic!

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