This green and pleasant land to turn into Poundland
The Union Jack could well be getting replaced with a massive pound coin as Poundland looks to take over and cash-in on Britain's recessionary fondness for buying Lynx Africa, ornamental tat and dried noodles.
Poundland will are expecting to open at least 60 new stores this year as sales rose by 21.6 per cent. They're making £780 million in the 53 weeks to April 1st and, seeing as everything is a pound in their shops, it is very easy to work out just how many things they've sold to get to that figure (pedants, please piss-off for this gentle joke).
Retail operations director Tim McDonnell said: “The marketplace is very hard to operate in. We are having to fight for every penny but, based on these results, it is working. We have seen people become very value-conscious in the last few years but we believe we can have 1,000 stores in the UK eventually. We are up to 410 stores now so there are several years ahead for us before we can get to that target.
“Despite all the gloom and doom on the High Street, Poundland is a success story.”
Get that? 1,000 Poundland stores. We may as well change the national anthem now (feel free to suggest what the Poundland national anthem would be). Not only that, but Poundland may be making its way to Europe. Presumably, it'll be called Euroland there? That is on the assumption that there'll be a Euro by the time Poundland starts invading.