There's going to be a lot more Krispy Kreme in the UK

1 June 2011

krispy-kremeDoughnuts, along with cupcakes, are the most irritating food on the planet. Clumps of chewable diabetes that manage to be simultaneously duller than a knot of stale bread and sweeter than the Tooth Fairy's boudoir. And the most irritating of the lot is the cloying, claggy sprinkled shite from Krispy Kreme who are taking over the universe with a little help from simpletons with coagulating blood and no tastebuds.

And it is only going to get worse as Krispy Kreme are reporting strong sales of £33.4 million and an intent to double their presence on the beleaguered, faecally-glazed streets of the UK.

Over the past year, Krispy Kreme have opened six new stores and 50 cabinets in Tesco, expanding into Bristol, Cardiff and Liverpool. This paves the way for the company to rot the insides of many more places, planning to open 10 stores annually for the next five years.

Rob Hunt, Joint Managing Director of Krispy Kreme UK, says: "Our strong performance is the product of our customers' passion for the brand, the quality and variety of our doughnuts and our carefully planned expansion. We are excited about growing into new UK markets and are confident in our expansion plans.

"Krispy Kreme is a brand that consumers are passionate about and our store openings speak for themselves with customers queuing overnight to be the first through the doors."

And he's not lying either. There are idiots out there who stand in endless queues, smacking the saliva from their brown teeth, in anticipation of eating a doughnut that is exactly the same as the much cheaper junk sold in places like Greggs. Ladies and gentleman, we have a new Starbucks on our hands and soon, you'll be able to close your eyes, throw a handful of fat from your veins in the air and, chances are, it'll land on a new Krispy Kreme shop.

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

TOPICS:   High Street News   Supermarket

24 comments

  • Marky M.
    @ Mof. Would these simpletons know when an apostrophe is required, and when it is not?
  • Simply K.
    What a boring and narrow minded rant this is. I guess you have something against Krispy Kreme then? Perhaps someone got missed out from the box of 12 being passed round the office. Personally I think they are great, a good sugar rush, and plenty of 'flavours' to chose from. I guess I must be a simpleton with no taste buds! Plus, as the local Tesco is closer than my nearest Greggs it makes more sense to get krispy kreme's. Hoorah for the Chocolate Dreamcake.
  • Gunn
    No shocker that in the UK the food chains doing well are Greggs and now Krispy Kreme. Much like cupcakes they are an overpriced treat, fine once or twice but not on a daily basis
  • StauntonLick
    Krispy Kreme 'R Krap. Down here in Brighton we have loads of good cake and sweet shops - now a Krispy Kreme has opened up on the main road and is now permanently jammed with overweight people in primary-coloured clothing, putting several food shops on the same road out of business. The weird thing is that the doughnuts are nowhere near as good as the offerings from other local independent establishments - I guess it's the old situation of people choosing what they know (a la Starbucks). I always want to take people from the queue and show them some real treats (if you're in the area: Angel Food Bakery, Choccywoccydoodah and Scoop & Crumb) so they can see what they've been missing!
  • Paddy
    The crystal meth of donuts. 30% armed forces discount in Portsmouth North End as well!
  • De C.
    @MOF That rant seems incredibly over the top. You realise that they sell doughnuts, right? I mean, there are people and animals and other stuff dying in poor countries. They probaby don't have a choice in where they buy their doughnuts.
  • Boris
    @MOF I’m with you; you need to rant more. KK are two thirds of KluKuxKlan. They actively promote a two thirds racist agenda. You shouldn’t even think about what they do with all the holes. Try to get a list of the additives they pump into their rings of death. Three are literally billions and more than 100% of them are unnatural; search for “Krispy Kreme the Devil’s treat” if you don’t believe me. Of course most of this is censored. There is only one way to tackle this peril. Every time you go into Tesco you should lick all of the so called doughnuts rendering them unsalable. I do my best but I estimate that I only contaminate a few thousand a day, P.S. they are stale and taste foul too.
  • The B.
    Perhaps Mof's local was knocked down and turned into a Kruddy Kreme, happened to a mate of mine, you should see where he drinks now (well, he lives in Switzerland but when he comes back he drinks there to escape his wife).
  • zeddy
    Need to change thios to Bitter Ol' bastard. Mof obviously tried a Boston Cum dougnut but couldn't produce the creme for the middle coz he ain't got no jizz.
  • Boris
    @zeddy Hell yes: the bitterer the betterer. I don't come here for no lovey dovery consumer wisdom. Or indeed any other kind of wisom. Or any consumer stuff really. Now as I come to think of it I'm not really sure why I visit at all. Anyway; Come on people join the crusade! I've been out all day at Tesco licking loads of chocolate rings. Nomm-nom-nom.
  • JammyDodger
    Krispy Kremes are fake plastic shite and should be sent packing back to the US of A where they can be enjoyed by the fake plastic people.
  • Mutineer
    Sigh... more overpriced plastic fast food for the undiscerning masses.
  • Zleet
    I've only ever had a Krispy kreme donut once and it was quite nice. Somebody really needs to gain some perspective, it's a fucking cake shop. And to the person claiming they will kill local bakeries, I think you will find Greggs already shot those in the head years ago.
  • Boris
    @Zleet Perspective eh? You, my friend, need to get a grip of reality. If we don’t fight the US doughnut invasion (yes; the bastards even want to change our spelling) then next thing you know they’ll be taking over our supermarkets, setting up their fast food chains with their ‘burgers’ and their ‘fries’. They’ll start making TV programmes about lawyers, doctors and forensic investigators; destroying all of our beautifully crafted period dramas. You think that it’s only about doughnuts? Doughnuts are just the first phase my friend, just the first phase. Do you want your children to be brought up speaking ‘American’ instead of proper English? Do you want some revolutionary ex-colonists coming over here and chopping the head off our Queen and Pippa Middleton? Do you really? So man-up and get yourself down to those metaphorical beach-heads. I will lick those stale rings until my tongue is weary and blackened and so should you and all good English men. I say to you, not one more bakery shall fall: A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our master-bakers and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of discount profiteroles and shattered biscuits, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West Midlands!" But if we fail, then the whole world, including the independent bakeries, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new dark age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted frostings. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if Greggs and its Subsidiaries last for a thousand years, men will still say, This was their finest hour.
  • klingelton
    Is it me or does krispy kremes sound like an STD...
  • Don R.
    Can't see why anyone would get upset over Mof's rant to be honest. They're ok, but not worth the OTT price, so KK are indeed the doughnut Starbucks.
  • Frank
    Mmmmmm, forbidden dooonuuuuts, Nice but way to pricey.
  • ninsim
    Anyone who raves over Krispy Kreme Krap doesn't know a good doughnut. Years ago in Canada we treated ourselves to a dozen of Tim Horton's finest (then a mere 99 cents so yes some time ago) but the taste made the product of the Krispy Kreme Kriminals taste like Krud. Yt another product I wish Americans had kept to themselves.
  • Timmy
    Thing is KK and Timmys taste like shite over here - at least Krispy crack make the things in front of you in the San francisco store Still take Tim Hortons any day Faustino wine - is that bought by people who drink in starbucks - feck me that shite as well.
  • Albino
    Krispy Kremes in the UK still taste(and last) a hell of a lot better than any Tesco doughnut. A box of 12 for £7.95, sure its a ripoff, but it makes me happy. ...and I'd still love to have independent bakery within a mile of my house.
  • Jerec
    I love Krispy Kremes.
  • Vic
    If only we could get proper Krispy Kremes, Dunkin' Donuts and Tim Hortons over here... They're okay here, an occasional treat for a sweet tooth, but North American donuts make the ones we get here taste like crap.
  • Milky
    screw KK, The only duffnuts worth having are in Canada at a branch of Timmy Hortons! ...& the bagels & soup are damn good too! ...prefer a toasted bagel & soup to a fricking Macspunk bubble any day of the week! So do KK do fricking bagesl? ...NO!? Then Tim Tim's is still king! Still you shop at Tesco, you tend to eat poorly produced shit, ..guess what more shit in the guise of Krispy kreme. I look forward to seeing even bigger ambulances with big fecking Hydraulic rams to lift the dying fat tossers who will insist on starting every day with a KK. good riddance F_ckers Where we go in Canada we don't mind getting a 24 pack of doughnuts most likely the folks actually exercise, so it can be used as a sweet treat not simply as lardie-ass food! ..you hand em around as it's a 15 mile drive each way.. PS, Moff you ought to try a real Tims, I wouldn't eat the crud over here even if I knew where to buy it, ..t'aint the same eh? does fox bumming have an off season like fishing?
  • Maj
    Taste like shit, only people with the taste buds of children would like this rubbish, and driving through to buy donuts! you may as well wear a tshirt saying "I'm a sad fucking fat loser look at my fat arse" total hype, the worlds full of fucking sheep.

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